i dont need you there

why cant i just go myself

why cant i just go there and waster my time huh

whats so wrong with that

why am i having teenage rage

or am i just that stressed out

You know what? Cookies sound good. Yeah

I wonder if he was serious just now. Hmm

Not sure if I should go for another session or just stay here and think dark thoughts

Not sure if hormonal or what but I nearly broke down in campus again today. And I quote mojo, "cranky".

Everyone is assuming that its the time of the month for me but idk i think its the stress catching up.

I literally felt it catching up on me, I was suppose to have a meditation session over the weekend to cry it out but I guess I forgot >.>

Seriously, I felt like stabbing everyone today, including myself because I was late with preparing for the for the manual voting shit for the booth and fuck this shit I couldn't care less already I was hoping SHE would take initiative to ready it but then she was all "eh no need to open the booth so fast right" and I was already late for my meeting so I went eh then I left and she just left everything and went to class

Fuck. You. 

Then when I came back some other people were dealing with it and oh my god it was getting so fucked up I nearly broke down there and then and then by the time everything was done it was like 4pm and ish no point dy

WHY THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN DOING THIS EVENT MAN IT IS SO FUCKING LAST MINUTE CAN I KILL SOMEONE NOW I DONT CARE HOW JUST LET ME

I can't even handle speaking to people right now, I just feel like shit. 

I should have taken it as a sign when I said on Saturday "I don't feel like being polite" to Mandy regarding a message to the FB page. It was a clear sign that I was cracking, and I didn't realise it.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

sigh

Get your shit together Denise? No. You ain't even calm, how to get shit together

I was warned however that I could have a relapse, and this could be it. But heh I don't know if I want to go for a session. Most of my emotional stress revolves somewhere around money, and I know that. I know the root of all my unhappiness is my laziness, my wastage of money, me owing that dentist about RM200 more because I didn't want to take a chance on the general hospital, being generally depressed because I ain't got no one to really talk to release stress on work and personal life

Most of my friends are either busy or fellow SC members. Why should I burden any of them with my sorrows if I already know they are themselves stressed out? Half of my stress is because I know how stressed out they are. Why on earth do I even care how stressed they are? How do you "take care of yourself before taking care of others" when you don't even know what the fuck to do for yourself? How do you help others when you can't find any way to help yourself? When is the right time to reach out and when is the right time to stay alone?

Right now, I don't know. And all I can do is pray I stay glued together until the end of the semester. I'm pretty sure there is more on my mind but I don't really feel like typing it all out now.

Bye guys. Gonna crawl in the corner and think dark thoughts