Christmas Eve 2014

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all was well

Except in this little town, where fewer folk liked to dwell

These people were of various kinds, and TBH they were swell

But the beast in the woods, kinda scary

Spring, Fall, Summer, the folk will be a plenty

Come winter however, and the party goes home

The windows all shut, and the streets lay bare

The noise grows louder in the woods just right over there

"Hush," say the mothers, "Or the beast will hear you."

"They have big scary claws, razor sharp ears

and love little children"

It wasn't a beast, nor were there many

Just one fella there, who can't go to places many

Once feared by entire races, now barely even heard of

Ol' Krampus collects where he is still known

 

Now you folks must have heard this tale once before, 

A passing remark or a tale by the fire

But no one can deny their fear of Krampus

Don't  bother lying, he knows your heart

He's the one leaving you gifts tonight

Beware the Krampus, he'll steal you away

Maybe the Ruten in your house serve well as a reminder

Keep out of trouble, and look twice before moving

A pile of coal is all that will remain if you don't stay nice.

Everybody has a breaking point
"Your greatest passion is also your greatest weakness"
A quote I will add to the list of beliefs that guide me
A person can believe in multiple things right?
Belief in a creator, belief in oneself, belief in the people closest to you, belief in certain ways of life, belief that things can get better
Belief in hope
Having hope
Having faith

Bo_fahkin_doh

Still can't believe that I took that for granted

The amount of guilt I feel is so high right now, but I think I've come to terms with it

I just need to come up with the resources >.<

 

On another note, I've been such a hermit since I got home. Until I fell sick again ba while helping mum out at the store. I need to see a couple of friends before she takes off back to KL but my urgh timing is so off! 

 

BTW this December 31st marks the 4th year I think? Of owning this blog :D woopie

I found the camera again... I just need a quiet place and I want to try doing covers. Obviously when I'm not sick

I think I may like you, but at the same time I'm pretty sure I don't.

I am very sure however that I think your body build is nice and I like leaning on you :D

But the girl side of my brain is going "what if?"

SO here I am proving to myself that no, I'm better than that.

I've been telling myself this for so long now whenever these things pop up. Will I ever...?

Point of the day! you fucked up. you are definitely failing this semester. good job denise. good job.

rantings of the third day

Whenever birds sing
Whenever people talk
Whenever wind blows
Whenever cars pass
Whenever I hear footsteps at the door
Whenever I see a shadow around the corner

All I can think of is you

And all I can see when I close my eyes
And yet all I want
And all I need

And all I want
is to let go

Why am I like this?
Why are you like this?
Why is your presence so profound that I cannot shake you off?
Why is it every time I think its over life shows me that I'm not
Why can't I just accept facts
Why

I refuse to forget about you, and yet I want to so bad
That would make me a bad friend, but in the long run its good

This isn't a poem about a lover
This isn't a poem about a close friend
This is a poem about a friend
Who almost became close
Who almost became more than that
Before one idiot decided she was going to draw a line in their cement of friendship.

Stalkers

Seeeeeee? This is why I made sure my blog can't be googled hahahaha
But anyway, *waves* this is me acknowledging your presence.

May you never see what I wrote / will write about you :p

Mad world, it is

Ever feel like you are doing too much?

Yeah I feel like that right now

Although I kinda fucked my education, I still think that I'm not doing thaat bad. But idk la

Beginning to have a not so good feeling about next year dy, and we all know that is not good

But in the back of my head it says good things will happen next year. So feeling which do I believe? 

Why you do this

Making friends is hard. I don't like it anymore

I'm not okay

I will never be okay

You know why?

Because friendship is hard and life is hard

and I feel like crying everyday now because I'm just so

ARGH FRUSTRATION

This is one of the reasons why I wanted to learn psychology

To study people and find out what makes them tick

And what ticks them off

I know she has been ticked off and is very unstable right now, but I didn't know it was to that extent

A line was crossed that I never knew existed

If Mandy is someone you talk to and she doesn't listen, Reine is like double and worse

At least Mandy she listens, and might follow. Reine is like fuck you

Especially if it is something bad about herself. Like, even if you tell her gently she'll somehow make it worse and then not talk to you for a while

My brain is more guy than I thought. I always want to talk things out. I rather you talk to me and throw all the shit in my face than letting it simmer and fade because it does not fade. It will not go away. It will get worse and here is the worse part: it will build up.

And dear GOD I know this is just a rough patch you are putting me through and I know it will blow over

But at least help me make up my mind about whether I should stay or should I go

Because right now I really want to go but my heart says stay and talk it out

 Fight or flight as they say

I don't know what to do

20 Facts

Okay so while the entire world is doing this on FB and IG, I have decided I want to do this here. Why? Smaller to nil crowd XD Also I tried to publish it on IG but it didn't work out....IG deleted my caption >:( so yeah. Here goes nothing...

20
Family means the world to me. You mess with them, you just asking to be stabbed. With a chair. Or a table. Covered in glass. Up your butt.

19
I have a select few friends whom I consider blood family. They are the people I stand by because I know they would do the same for me. These are the people I know I can fall back to if shit goes south

18
I found God and I have let him into my life. I'm still struggling, but in the long run I know it will make me a better, stronger, wiser person who does things for the right reasons

17
I have this thing with food, where I can ONLY be separated from it for 4-6 hours tops. I get really grouchy and PMS till I get grub

16
I used to want to be in sports so badly that every opportunity I get I would jump at the chance. Sadly, most of the time I was rejected because I was not fit enough..... So now I'm lazy as fuck to join anymore. Even running has lost its touch. However, if a friend brings me I would gladly oblige

15
Hugs are awesome. I can never turn down a person who offers me a hug. And I hug most of my friends and family as a form of greeting so yeah. Oh and sometimes I yell their name too... from a distance. Even if its crowded and they might not hear me.

14
People often mistake me for an extrovert. But really, I'm not. I'm so introvert it is scary sometimes. But I have grown to need human interaction, therefore I do the interaction and then lock and isolate myself for a while. A day or two usually does the trick

13
Recently I have come to realise that I give off this aura that makes people want to be proper. Like sexual profanities cannot be thrown at me. We can talk about it, throw it together at other people, but they cannot throw it at me like shade. I am so glad that this is a thing because this means reasons.

12
On a scale of one to wasted, I fall somewhere between easy to become drunk and not so easy. I know I get high easily, and I guess that is what makes the blackouts so bad. Sigh. Wish I did not black out while drunk. Can never remember shit

11
Putting facts together and understanding em is sort of my thing. I can never put it down into actual words and describe it, but I have always been able to do this. I discovered this in high school when my bros were gossiping and I wasn't paying much attention. Because I read somewhere, that sometimes when you have a question, you don't have to ask to get an answer; you will come to realise that the answer has always been within you. When you do have to ask questions, make sure it is necessary and useful. It is how we as human beings learn

10
I bleed Liverpool Red, but I still love the colour blue. I guess that says something about my personality

9
I am seriously beginning to doubt whether I will ever get married, because half the time boys are like my best friends or they are just the most irritating pieces of shit or just plain trouble

8
Regardless of what people might think, I can live without internet and my phone. So long as nothing important is happening, and I am not required to be on standby, I can survive.

7
I dream to live on a mountain. Cool air FTW

6
Another strong trait I apparently posses is determination. I discovered this when I was hiking up Mount K. :)

5
When I get obsessed over something, I get really excited. And when that happens, I tend to lost sight of the bigger picture. This is what makes me not so good a leader. My brain sort of just shuts off and pure energy surges

4
Not sure if this will apply to my love life (if that ever happens I'll let you know), but when I love something, I put my soul into it. Hence why I said what I said in the first few "facts". Dedication man

3
Football is life. If you say otherwise then my level of liking you just decreased.

2
I like having friends from different backgrounds and with different kinds of mentality. It gives me a broad look on the world.

1
TV shows influence my goals in life. Indiana Jones inspired me to become an archaeologist, but Chemistry was too hard. Then a whole bunch of cop shows inspired me to take up psychology. You know why? So I can study human behaviour. It is so fascinating, I swear. My love for the horror genre got me interested in reading up about religions, pagan and all. Mythology themed movies gave me a love for the old worlds and their belief(which led to me considering to be a historian). Then I realised in a way they are all related.

Old rituals, old civilizations, compare human behaviour then and now, what makes us tick etc

Oh and Jurassic Park fueled my love for dinosaurs.

I still love dinos so much *hint hint*

SQUAT TEAM

Hi. Its been awhile since I have spoken of my social life no? Come we cerita

So BYLC happened earlier this semester. Was rather interesting... The participants weren't exactly the most awesome people but hey we're all shy first time round. Besides, most of them were pretty chill so we cool.

Anyway, I'm not here to tell in detail about what happened during BYLC. That stuff is meh.

I am however mentioning it because it has led me to a new circle of people I never thought I would be hanging out, much less trust my insecurities, with.

There is Mandy (again, idk how we end up together, we just do. Freaking tumours lol), Mojo (my neighbour; YES I MOVED OUT FROM LAKESIDE WOO), Vinodh, Nadeen, Sun (we were always chill to begin with but now its like a whole new level), Sterwina, and June. (SIDENOTE: I'd count in Vignesh but he's not in Miri so yeah)

Affectionately known by all as Egg Group, Squat Team, and Super 8, we were somehow brought together on the 4th day of the conference, after the final dinner when we went clubbing. I swear, I haven't been clubbing for so long that I forgot how the lights hurt. I did go a little overboard on the drinking though. Mojo handled the first shots and omg its like x3 a normal shot. I died on the 4th drink but apparently I kept drinking XD Half my memory is gone but yeahhhhhhh I can put 1 and 2 together.

So yeah. New circle. Half of em are leaving after this semester so idk how we gon survive. 

Now, heres the story.

A week ago we decided we wanted to head back to Borneo Rainforest Resort to chill out and have a drinking session there. A few things were admitted and someone dropped a bomb. Now, they all think I have this empathy thing going on which is why I got so emotional. What they don't know is, the person who dropped the bomb has shit so deep and dark that even she doesn't know I know. Even then I know only some, I know there's more but yeah need to know basis only.

Bomb dropped and all the guys went for a smoke. I followed to get some air. God knows what happened next, one tried comforting me and BAM waterworks. Take note, I have not cried for sad thing in a long time. I cry when I'm pissed. And pissed I was. I swear, if they didn't start talking to me I would have held on. Then after all the anger died down and I sobered up (which took about 20 minutes?), I had a deep set sadness the rest of the night, till in passed out and woke up the next day in fact. 

2 days later I get my period. lol so I guess that was another reason why I was emotional

Either way, this group has seen me break down. Not many people have seen that. Not many people have seen my angry crying mode, and even less has seen me cry because I'm sad/depressed. Heck, this group even made me confess to having liked someone in Curtin, si YoungBlood. Yeah, what a bitch, he came to Curtin. URGH

So yeah. They have earned my eternal respect and love. I guess sometimes, bonds just happen. In ways and with people least expected of.

Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck that. Fuck everything
I know its a good thing to hear the negative side of the things you are doing so that you can improve and try things a different way, but man, I think they are getting to me.
I have suddenly lost all hope in making MEA a success. And I am so pissed with myself.
I swear, today I heard twice that people don't trust M.A. because of past experiences with the committee that they don't do a good job, and that they are unreliable etc.etc.
Fuck. This. Shit
I have an insatiable urge to shake each and every one of them and just yell in their faces till they get it through their thick skull: NEW YEAR NEW COMMITTEE OK GIVE US A CHANCE MAN COME ON
But I can't. Why? Because I don't believe that M.A. can change either
We are all lazy by nature. Every once in a while there will be those hardworking people who are like WOW and suddenly we lazy chums are side by side with them and working together for a better future
We have in the top 2 positions 2 very awesome people. But not really change worthy.
See thats the thing about Curtin Mass Comm students. We are a mostly quiet bunch of people, oriented and pretty much content with being behind the scenes. I duno la but I am.
I personally LOVE being behind the scenes. Being (and I quote) the "muscle" of the whole thing (just like BYLC woo! Honestly, I think I have found my calling. I just need a really organized PA and I am good to take on the world!).

Right now, I have accidentally placed myself in a position that I cannot take back. Should have never attended that AGM T.T Anyway
The rest of them have placed me in charge of organizing the MEA exhibition. I swear, I thought Organizing was my thing, they too. But apparently I don't have the brains for it. I simply cannot organize my brain into this. Me and paperwork do not work unless I have something or someone to guide me through it.

Also, I have this gut fear that no one will help me and then boom fail event and boom all my other success organized events will be gone down the drain.
I cannot. I really cannot.
I don't know what to do. And I have this thing where I don't like asking too much of people. Would it be too much if I asked the people who I'm with in 2 other events to help me out? Would it be too much to ask if I get like a lot of people to help and then I have no job and then suddenly I realize there is something I haven't done?

Fuck

I need a drink

Cannot wait till this weekend

GUT INSTINCTS

Never leave home without em, and always LISTEN TO EM

Even if it means putting others in a bad mood.

Psychic Moments

Ever had a feeling something was going to happen before it actually happens?
Or thought about someone before hearing about them or seeing them?
Not sure how true this is, but I have a theory. A PSYCHIC theory.
Call it sixth sense, coincidence even. I do believe my theory is right though.
I believe, the more spiritual you are, the more in tune to your surroundings you will be, the easier it is for you to be in tune to the people you are fond the most of.
Cheezy as fuck, I know. "We keep track of each other via brainwaves." But I'm serious though. And by spiritual I mean SPIRITUAL. NOT RELIGIOUS. Being spiritual means you can accept a lot of things others will not. Like accepting that certain things cannot be changed, certain events are just plain out of your control...

For instance, me and my friend recently spontaneously planned a trip across the state, about 12 hours drive, during our 2 week study break. Due to some issues however, we had to cancel because no one was free. That should have been clue one for me.
After our exams, I proposed the idea again, no good, most of our friends were either broke or gone home already; clue two. So it was just me and my other friend who was up for it. She was like, YOLO la just go. I agrred.
Night before the trip, I had a huge surge in my gut. It told me mentally that if we went on this trip, something bad was gona happen (and woe is me, it is playing the guilt trip game now). I told my friends but they instead decided to comfort me by saying that they'll check up the car; engine etc, before we leave.
We forgot to check one aspect though. 
Tyres.
Nope, not a pressure problem. The patterns were wearing thin, though I dont know why I didnt say anything when I saw it. We just went on without a second thought. Going between 60-80m/h, it was quite a leisurely drive. Left at about 10pm, we were about 4 hours from our destination when it happened.
When my gut kicked in again and everything became a blur.

Before I go into details, let me tell you how I was handling my gut instinct.

When it kicked in the first time, I couldn't tell what was it pointing at. I listed down all possibilities: haven't told my parents, no one else is following us, safety issues, car issues, broke and going on a trip, etc.
My gut jerked at the mention of car issues. So I elaborated. 
Car could break down, explode, we could crash into something, something could crash into us, tyre goes flat, car goes missing while we took a rest
Yeah I know, not the best things to think about before going on a two person journey.
No one stopped us however. No one said: no need la two of you only. next sem la
Instead they gave encouragement. And my brain was too excited to care about my gut when the time approached

So when we heard that bang go off from one of the front tyre, all I was thinking was FUCK
Then the car didnt just slide into a ditch, it turned over. 
We were going at 60. HOW THE FUCK DOES A CAR FLIP INTO A DITCH AT 60
Then all the passerby’s kept telling us that road is accident prone. We probably slipped on the wet grass and mud and just continued going on.

My first thought was we should get out of the car, duh. my friend however fell into shock. I don't know how, but I was calm until I got out and started pacing the side of the road. then my guilty gut kicked in and i started wondering how were we going to tell our parents and the owner of the car
Yeap... twas a rental.
Then I broke down. It was so bad. 
Still not over it. It has been over 24 hours.
We should be in Kuching. Not worrying about how we're gona pay the fucker back all the saman and all.

All I could think of and still of is how we shouldn't have left

MALEFICENT

maleficent
1670s, from L. maleficent-, from stem of maleficu

maleficent  (məˈlɛfɪsənt)

— adj

causing or capable of producing evil or mischief; harmful or baleful

[C17: from Latin maleficent-,  from maleficus  wicked, prone to evil, from malum  evil]

ma'lefic

— adj

ma'leficence

— n

Yup. Guess what I just saw

I FUCKING FANGIRLED WHEN HER SIGNATURE SILHOUETTE APPEARED MAN WTF

FAVOURITE DISNEY VILLAIN FTW

But seriously though

The movie was good. The effects were a bit like OUAT but the storyline was completely by itself. Good twist. Good actress. IF ANGELINA JOLIE DOESNT GET AN AWARD FROM THIS I WILL FLIP

Okay now it time for spoilers

We all know the original sleeping beauty story right? She gets raped. hahahaha ok ok the FIRST version disney made, lets not go all the way to brother grimm...

Disney made Aurora like how it was told. King Stefan and his wife invited all in the kingdom including all the famous faeries, except the 13th one. Why? In the original story it was because she tends to hide, people thought she was dead. In this cartoon, it was fear I think? I forget. Then during the baby shower just before the 12th faerie could grant her gift, Maleficent appears and expresses her dislike and curses everyone to death. FUCKING LOVED THAT SCENE (yes even as a child)

Why am I so morbid?
kay anyway

Then, the 12th faerie modifies the curse a bit, and then they become the official guardians until her 16th birthday. Prince Philip was a neighbouring kingdom's prince and they have been officially betrothed to each other ever since birth. And he was the one who destroyed Maleficent with a sword that the 3 faeries enchanted. boom, happy ending.

so.. enough of the cartoon. LETS GO TO MALEFICENT 2014

Maleficent, played by Angie Jolie, was the most powerful faerie of them all. She had these huge badass FEATHERED wings. I swear, her parents were probably one faerie and one something else idk what but it had horns and a skeletal figure. Either way, they dumped her in this area called the moors and left her to grow up with the other faeries and nature. One day this commoner, Stefan (BOOM, MINDFUCK), trespassed and taking some precious rock and was cornered by the tree guards. She lured him out and forgave him after he gave back the rock. Over time, he kept returning, and they became close as fuck. Then, they made out #trueloveskiss pfft okay anyway

One day he stopped returning, and she continued being alone. But she defended the moors like badass tombraider (oops wrong movie). The nearby king was being a bitch hence why she took up that job. Awesome man the flying and whooosh and gahh okay i need to type coherently

He was a chambers boy to the king and one day he overheard the king saying that whoever slains the winged creature will get to marry hi daughter and get the throne. Now this Stefan had always wanted to be king (duh who doesnt) so he finally after all these years headed back to the moors and spoke to maleficent. He told her of the kings announcement and then they had this catch up session and she realised her feelings never waivered (aww). Then he drugged her and took her wings. MODDERFUCKER I WAS SO PISSED. She woke up in agonizing pain the next day, mourned her loss of her babies and then fashioned a walking stick out of a twig (magic beeches). Then she found this crow almost being clobbered to death so she saved him and in return the crow agreed to be her companion slave. and i quote "I need wings"

So he spies on the kingdom and keeps tab on whats happening everywhere. He brought back news one day of a baby and wooooo she was angry and pissed off wooo so she crashed and cursed then left. The 3 faeries are dumb as fuck though. Cant modify for shit. oh oh get this. THE RED FAERIE IS UMBRIDGE XD

Anyway, so Maleficent spies on the faeries, sees that they don't know how to take care of Aurora, and tends to step in, unwittingly playing the role of faerie god-mother to the child, AND THE KID KNEW. I tell you, so cute yet creepy the kid. And she calls her beasty hahahhaha

okay anyway

i think enough la otherwise i tell the whole story

Lets just say somewhere along the line Prince Phillip comes along, the kiss didnt work. However, with Maleficent worked! true love doesnt need to come from a boy chhhh

Shows that parents / parent figures work too ;) 

Okay, final line. WATCH THE MOVIE. I love her back story man like wow i want those wings. I always wanted to fly.

I don't really care if you couldn't care less about us, but at least care about yourself.

Giving up on yeww

Sorry la. But trying to be there for you is so fucking hard man. He's right. You are an attention seeking whore that doesn't like attention seeking whores who also does not like confrontation.
No one like confrontation, but you don't have to be a little bitch about it.
Also, you know we care. We care a lot about you. Dude. Your new friends are asking us to tell you to stop. Doesn't that say something about us?
Not that we want to control you or anything but come on la. Grow up. Its about time you take control of your life a bit and find a less self destructive way to express your innards.
You are going to find it hard to adjust after graduation, I guarantee it.
And when you need help financially, I won't be there. Not sure about the other person though.
I swear, this time I mean it.

Realise you are destroying yourself. Now. Please. :(

Highlight of April 2014

Lets start with a timeline shall we?
5th April - WFA 2014
The BEST walk I have EVER attended. I didn't even walk the route! I was however on organizing committee, even though I barely did anything. But I hope somehow some of my suggestions were looked into and I think my help was good? I don't know. But the turn out was awesome
Our initial plan was to get 1k registered walkers to walk around Tjg Aru town wearing the official blue shirt and holding banners and everything and basically just raise awareness that we are here trying to raise awareness.
What happened was, we starting running out of shirts. Then, other merchandise. Then on the day itself, FORMS. There was over 2k people chilling around Perdana Park that day AND IT FELT SO GLORIOUS
From what I hear, people loved the event. A few hiccups here and there, but that is okay because we actually noticed em so we can improve and change and grow.
I feel so lucky to have been part of this. Tawau heard about this event and actually did one simultaneously at the same time and date with OUR merchandise as well. Loving all this attention towards the cause man  :D
Anyway, saw a lot of people, heard a lot of people who I didn't see went as well. Heard a lot of good performances, met new people, met a few relatives I've never known to be my relative, and saw quite a few people I haven't seen in ages

All in all, 'twas a good day :)

Somewhere mid April - Met a junior called Cheryl
 Yeah, this is a special kid right here.
Have you ever met someone who is happy and innocent as fuck
But has a slightly dysfunctional family and has seen some pretty nasty shit take place in her school? Yeah neither have I
But here she is
I kid you not. Either she sees it all and isolates herself mentally and emotionally so she isn't affected; or she is so badly affected by it that she covers it up by being happy and cheerful all the time
This girl is going to crack. And soon, by the looks of it. Especially with Tahmid dragging her into every event in her first semester. Yup, that is how I met her.
I mean, bring her as observer is fine for first semester, but trus volunteer? Wow. During the MUN dinner I think her cracks were beginning to show because she kept saying "why do all of you know each other already? I feel so isolated" something like that la
Culture shock I think you is entering.
You is not going to like where this is heading
Good luck Cheryl
I pray for your end of semester state of mind, you are most probably going to need it

Is it too early to say clubbing has lost its appeal?

Lately, the excitement of going to a club and getting lost in the bright blinding lights in a dark room with loud pounding music while somehow have a drink or two has dwindled down to lower than a simmer.
Loud music and dancing is fine, but I can do that anywhere. And today I have finally come to terms with it: Clubbing has lost its appeal.
IDK is it too early for me to feel this way? Look at it this way. I'm not using my money on alcohol as often as I did last year. As if I drink that much/often anyway
Maybe that is the reason clubbing lost its appeal... Because I'm always broke as fuck XD And I tend to have long periods of memory lost if I drink too much O.o Never a good thing
Remember prom nikki? *shudders* that was so bad (thank God for Reine!)
Anyway, I prefer just chilling and socially drink while we talk and with singable music and a shisha nearby. The rest can have their cigs, and we'll just sit there and talk. Or in silence, whateves.

I feel old talking about this :(

And to think I promised my kk friends when we meet up we gon go clubbing XD

Okay its not that I don't enjoy clubbing, its fun as long as I get to go in free and we all chip in for a tower (liquor too damn expensive in there). But yeah, most of the time I am sooo broke and underdressed :p I blame Miri for that, since usually we wear anything and everything to go

So yeah. Just needed to type that out.

I'm the type of person that can't live without having a social life (even if it means just chilling somewhere like hobos) but at the same time I can't live if I interact with people too much.
Like, too much social, must leave, need breather.
And I'm pretty sure its a normal thing.
IDK how will I manage if I move into the same house as my friends or (still praying to meet) my boyfriend. Will I go crazy or will I somehow adapt?
Although I take a little time, I find I can adapt and adapt to that adaptation real quick. Living away from home? Yeah you get used to it. Hungry most of the time? Get used to it, you don't have money. Friends don't look for you all the time? A bit harder to accept but relatively easy to get used to (after a few nights of listening to emo depressing songs and trying to convince oneself that they do not hate you)
More than once however, I find myself wondering why do people like me need these "alone time". Recharge? Recharge what? Energy? Chi'? What? My brain can't comprehend. I just know that it is a necessity and if not done at least 3 times a month, can make people like me get a bit short tempered and jumpy.
Moreover, during these periods I wonder what my friends talk about me, if they talk about me at all. But then again, don't we all wonder that? Most of the time I could hardly care less; curious yes, care however, no.

These feels make me feel so much that my brain can't brain the feels anymore and everything is just one big fan fiction
(So does that mean you have fiction in fiction? Incep-fiction?)
aiyah le ramblings

#100happydays

Suppose to start my #100happydays challenge today, but idk i feel so down after the win by Liverpool wore off.
oh yeah. 3-2 to ManCity hihihi
Anyway
Yeah.
I'm doing the challenge on twitter if anyone is interested to keep up with it. I'm gona try keep it to the next 100 tweets I'll be posting so no personal tweets for awhile!
Does it have to be a photo though? Cause if it does then I need to start now. I want to post about how I'm grateful for everyone I met so far.

Everyone you meet in life teaches you something
I've met people who are living proof that Love isn't everything
I've met people who taught me how to distinguish good people from bad
I've met people who taught me you can love your friends as much as your blood family
I've met people who taught me to drink, party, but also my limit... and what I tend to do when I pass my limit.
I've also met people who can never be on my good side, but they teach me how to control myself and keep as neutral as possible without seeming cold

That might be more than 140 words though..... yeah i should work on summarizing that

Oh and btw Sunday me mandy and reine went to shisha
and brian came... late la like 2 am because he said he couldnt sleep
then we went to canada hill to stay2 and vent..... till 6.
It was fun
Hardly could stay up though the next day.

#noregrets ;)

First 2 days back in Curtin, 2014 sem1

So today i had two pretty prominent things said to me. First I'll tell you the one Celeste said to me

I was in Housing Services giving my stuff in and well, Reine and Afdhal being awesome people decided to accompany la. We met Celeste coming out from the Marketing office, trus she and Afdhal had this God knows what argument because Afdhal asked if she still had a boyfriend (or something like that)
Tiba2 Celeste came up to me and was like:

Denise! kau tinguk ba ni budak. mocking us for being single!

Naturally I gave my most shocked and exaggerated expression. I also said "bukan dia pun single meh? why that"
Then she said:

Yeahbah. Siapa sini SSB ah. hah. Single Since Birth hah.

Trus I shut up oh. I pun terasa this.

Sigh

Anyway, next

I was looking for Reine in the SC office ba, and Michelle told me she was at the back. So okay la, and I found her with Bryan. I chill la with them out there... in the sun lol.Then something came up and Reine had to go back in the office. She passed her remaining butt to Bryan la trus I just wait la for him.
He said something only one other person has said to me in person:

So pure oh you Denise

Like, dude. I don't smoke and I'm not dating. So what? I don't see how those things justifies me as pure. Aiyah

The 28th Approaches

Hello there

Valentine's Day just passed. 

So... Happy Vday. I am such a bundle of joy

IDK i think its because I've never actually celebrated Valentines' day before but I find it so annoying. 

Like, why must you have a day to celebrate your love? Aren't you suppose to celebrate your love everyday? Be thankful to God (or whatever higher power you believe in) that you guys met and get along so well? Also, special occasions should just be like birthdays and anniversaries. 

IDK maybe its just me. But I'm usually surlier round this time of year

Me returning to Miri could be a contributor lol

AAAAAAAaanyway

Yeah

Going back to Miri soon

Scenarios keep playing in my head about things that might happen

Things I hope will happen

And things i want to plan to happen but hey, we all know I suck at planning

Which reminds me, I need to be more prepared at talking to crowds. Sucked so badly last year urgh

Can't wait to see some familiar faces though

People I somehow click with

Or am I going to realize this year that I actually don't click with anyone, but I just bear with people so that I don't go insane being alone?

Because I keep realising that whenever I hang out with highschool friends I thought I was tight with

Growing up and realizing shit sucks

Life loses its that childhood magic we all grew up believing in

ah I'm being emotional again

I should stop before I type something really depressing

Frozen

Based off the Hans Christian Anderson tale "The Snow Queen", I'd say "Frozen" was going for  a story about the  snow queen's origins? Like waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before shes all evil and kidnapping people, also way before the goblin broke the mirror in the sky
or something like that. My theory anyway

First up, summary:
A heartwarming tale of two sisters who figure out that in the end, true love is about doing selfless acts for other people and cooping yourself up is never gona make anything better.

Basically Elsa (the one with the snow powers) accidentally shoot ice into Anna's (her "normal" sister) head and she nearly dies freezing. Like the HCA story, the snow queen puts ice into the boy's heart; Elsa, not knowing how to control her powers properly from lack of practice, accidentally puts ice in her sister. In her panic, she doesn't hear hear when her father the King tells her to calm down because fear of the thing makes it worse
Most children's tales are like, don't you think? In harry potter, "Fear of the name increases fear of the thing itself" (Dumbledore)

Anyway back to the story

I really like the way Disney twisted this story. To remove the ice, an act of True Love must be performed. Now as we all know, we expect to see a true love's kiss, because most curses can be broken with that and blah blah
But this movie is SO different. Act of True Love? Almost frozen solid? No problem. Save Elsa anyway
I can't tell you how many times I bawled while watching this movie.
Movies with two sisters make me think of Seanna so much.
Although in our case its Seanna thats' a bit distant. Its not her fault though! She just thinks differently. .......

I need some time a lone and away from this topic

Dexter (Not the cartoon)

Earlier this year when I was still rather close to Ramsha, she was sharing with me some quotes and poems she had on her laptop and one thing lead to another we somehow found out that we had a mutual interest in dark things that make you think of life
Something like that.
Like, dark and full of hate
But bright and cheery.
Vice versa will do too.
Exactly like a Lily Allen song!
Back to the point.
Ramsha was telling me about a show about a murderous person who kills people but is on the cop force, the story came from a book, and the show itself when seen, doesn't give off that IMA KILL ALL O YIU feel. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

Based off the book (as seen in the credits) "Darkly Dreaming Dexter", the entire series revolves around the life of Dexter and the people who matter to him.
I was hooked the minute I saw it on Fox Crime. My parents had apparently been watching it for weeks without telling me and when I caught it I think they got a shock that I heard about it (obviously they hid their surprise because in foundation I didn't get into the whole FILM IS SO COOL shit).

It was everything you could ask for in a contemporary crime themed show. For me, at least.

Genius till the final minute in each season
Characters that grow and evolve accordingly (and are not dumb as shit)
Sibling love/hate relationship
Romance
Family values
Some kind of psychology shiz go on the side too like a dish
Murder scenes with lots things to make one's skin crawl
Oh and lets not forget, the twists and turns in storyline

ooh lala

As it were, since it was based off a book
It had to end
I was rather disapointed though.

I was rooting for Dexter.
Yes. I have grown to love this lovable teddy bear psycho
But noooooooooooooooooo he HAD to go Canada instead and live away from his son
HEARTBREAK

Yeah I guess I could go on and on but I'm having a fever right now and a really runny nose so I don't think sooooo

Crashing now. Nights beautiful

Actually if I were you I'd probably react the same way

Only I'd cry more
Really though. It pains me to talk to you these days.

The Absence Of Feeling

Have you ever wondered what it was like to try something new? And that something isn't actually new, it is something everybody has done before. It is a state a lot of people are in, everyday almost every minute someone new is taking the step towards it.

It could be anything, ranging from breathing for the first time since you leave your mother's womb to driving to taking karate lessons to starting a family. 

Yeah of course we have all inquire to ourselves about this. Each, and, every, one, of. us. Don't lie to yourself now. You and I both know that it is true. You know that phase in our life where we sort of "test" ourselves? That is when we do all sorts of weird stuff, yeah thats the stage in the high level

Right now I am probably just entering that stage that most girls enter when they are in high school. 

Love.

Most girls I know start talking about their "feelings" towards a person from a young age. As early as 7 I have heard. I am part of the rare spectrum of straight girls who are still single... for almost 2 decades.

I don't try. Seriously. I don't want to seem desperate. But I don't want to accept any ol' tom dick or harry who knocks on my door with flowers (not that I have actually received any flowers... ever)

But that is beside the point.

Honestly now, is it weird that I rarely have feelings for neither guy nor girl? At this point, I don't even know what direction I swing. I was bi-curious at one point (Thank God though neither of us did anything) and I do have feelings towards the male gender, its just that I never really tell them

I did nearly tell the kid I had a crush on but then he told me he got together with a fam friend of mine so I was like NOPE moving on

When I get hit on I don't even react anymore. The most I do is widen my eyes and laugh awkwardly and then continue the conversation where we left off. Whatever it was.  And these were people who have other interests and we're just really good friends. Seriously.

I don't know man

I don't know.

Maybe... just maybe. I'm not ready. I might never be ready. But hey, 

Maybe when the right guy comes along

When the right guys comes and sweeps off my feet

Or at least melts my heart in such a way that I have never felt before

And we're like closer than close friends

Maybe then I'll let myself fall in love and into a relationship

Wrote this in mid December 2013, thought you should know anyway

My 2013 and 2014 Resolutions

Every year my resolutions sort of become less and less but they have more meaning than the ones before. Ever since I climbed Mount K, my mindset has changed... just a lil :P

So from what I remembered from earlier in 2013, I wanted to 

- Pass driving

- Pass my First Year

- Meet people that make me happy and keep me going instead of drain me of my "me-ness"

- Be there for people physically and mentally

- Be more spiritually connected to God (added mid year)

- Pray more (added mid year)

- Attend Church more often when in Miri

- Passed the first two with awesome greatness, and the rest and a work in progress. I think I did well though. I feel good about em

2014 (THIS YEAR IMA)

- Pray more to God for others more than me

- Write more

- Read more

- Be there for people even if barely know

- Work hard to get at least 3 Distinctions this year

- Exercise and raise stamina (GO JOGGING)

- Find (LEGAL) ways to earn money

Happy anniversary btw baby *less than three~