Dexter (Not the cartoon)

Earlier this year when I was still rather close to Ramsha, she was sharing with me some quotes and poems she had on her laptop and one thing lead to another we somehow found out that we had a mutual interest in dark things that make you think of life
Something like that.
Like, dark and full of hate
But bright and cheery.
Vice versa will do too.
Exactly like a Lily Allen song!
Back to the point.
Ramsha was telling me about a show about a murderous person who kills people but is on the cop force, the story came from a book, and the show itself when seen, doesn't give off that IMA KILL ALL O YIU feel. Needless to say, I was intrigued.

Based off the book (as seen in the credits) "Darkly Dreaming Dexter", the entire series revolves around the life of Dexter and the people who matter to him.
I was hooked the minute I saw it on Fox Crime. My parents had apparently been watching it for weeks without telling me and when I caught it I think they got a shock that I heard about it (obviously they hid their surprise because in foundation I didn't get into the whole FILM IS SO COOL shit).

It was everything you could ask for in a contemporary crime themed show. For me, at least.

Genius till the final minute in each season
Characters that grow and evolve accordingly (and are not dumb as shit)
Sibling love/hate relationship
Romance
Family values
Some kind of psychology shiz go on the side too like a dish
Murder scenes with lots things to make one's skin crawl
Oh and lets not forget, the twists and turns in storyline

ooh lala

As it were, since it was based off a book
It had to end
I was rather disapointed though.

I was rooting for Dexter.
Yes. I have grown to love this lovable teddy bear psycho
But noooooooooooooooooo he HAD to go Canada instead and live away from his son
HEARTBREAK

Yeah I guess I could go on and on but I'm having a fever right now and a really runny nose so I don't think sooooo

Crashing now. Nights beautiful

Actually if I were you I'd probably react the same way

Only I'd cry more
Really though. It pains me to talk to you these days.

The Absence Of Feeling

Have you ever wondered what it was like to try something new? And that something isn't actually new, it is something everybody has done before. It is a state a lot of people are in, everyday almost every minute someone new is taking the step towards it.

It could be anything, ranging from breathing for the first time since you leave your mother's womb to driving to taking karate lessons to starting a family. 

Yeah of course we have all inquire to ourselves about this. Each, and, every, one, of. us. Don't lie to yourself now. You and I both know that it is true. You know that phase in our life where we sort of "test" ourselves? That is when we do all sorts of weird stuff, yeah thats the stage in the high level

Right now I am probably just entering that stage that most girls enter when they are in high school. 

Love.

Most girls I know start talking about their "feelings" towards a person from a young age. As early as 7 I have heard. I am part of the rare spectrum of straight girls who are still single... for almost 2 decades.

I don't try. Seriously. I don't want to seem desperate. But I don't want to accept any ol' tom dick or harry who knocks on my door with flowers (not that I have actually received any flowers... ever)

But that is beside the point.

Honestly now, is it weird that I rarely have feelings for neither guy nor girl? At this point, I don't even know what direction I swing. I was bi-curious at one point (Thank God though neither of us did anything) and I do have feelings towards the male gender, its just that I never really tell them

I did nearly tell the kid I had a crush on but then he told me he got together with a fam friend of mine so I was like NOPE moving on

When I get hit on I don't even react anymore. The most I do is widen my eyes and laugh awkwardly and then continue the conversation where we left off. Whatever it was.  And these were people who have other interests and we're just really good friends. Seriously.

I don't know man

I don't know.

Maybe... just maybe. I'm not ready. I might never be ready. But hey, 

Maybe when the right guy comes along

When the right guys comes and sweeps off my feet

Or at least melts my heart in such a way that I have never felt before

And we're like closer than close friends

Maybe then I'll let myself fall in love and into a relationship

Wrote this in mid December 2013, thought you should know anyway

My 2013 and 2014 Resolutions

Every year my resolutions sort of become less and less but they have more meaning than the ones before. Ever since I climbed Mount K, my mindset has changed... just a lil :P

So from what I remembered from earlier in 2013, I wanted to 

- Pass driving

- Pass my First Year

- Meet people that make me happy and keep me going instead of drain me of my "me-ness"

- Be there for people physically and mentally

- Be more spiritually connected to God (added mid year)

- Pray more (added mid year)

- Attend Church more often when in Miri

- Passed the first two with awesome greatness, and the rest and a work in progress. I think I did well though. I feel good about em

2014 (THIS YEAR IMA)

- Pray more to God for others more than me

- Write more

- Read more

- Be there for people even if barely know

- Work hard to get at least 3 Distinctions this year

- Exercise and raise stamina (GO JOGGING)

- Find (LEGAL) ways to earn money

Happy anniversary btw baby *less than three~