happy 2013 perhaps?

Hi

havent been able to post anything here, even though i have about a million things to rant about

but since its that time of year again

happy anniversary baby <3 p="p">

oh and also

happy new year guys

2013 in about 9 hours

:)

maybe this time baby it'll be better for all of us

something is clearly wrong with me

So... hai.

Been back in KK for about 2 weeks now

yeah  im late blogging here.

Heres a few updates before i start my rant for today:

1) Cally got neutured today. 

2) Aunty Nanc finally belanja breakfast

3) Seanna has her ears pierced

4) The feeling of depression is so bad, i feel depressed everytime i get my period. i notic okay. before this sem i have never been depressed during my period. pissed la but never depressed.

and to top it off, my parents are questioning why my friends dont pick me up from after our hangouts. (Will continue in rant)

5) Weird guy story (Another tale for another day)

6) Sheryl left curtin. and so did rabo. lol i was kinda expecting this to happen, but i didnt know it would hurt. especialy rabo. i wasnt even that close to him and im actually sad. lol. 

anyways, good luck with getting into vet sheryl. vets are awesome people, they deal with animals. :D 7) I got my results back! SCP is 71! hohoho migusta

ok now time for my rant

These parents of mine are asking: Why your friends can bawa hang in town and shit but can never send you back home wan? hah? haiyoh. and they have car some more. they not kesian you take bus meh? eeh next time dont go out with them la if like that. ask them come here to inanam also dont want. next time you stay home la!

First of, let me cry because im so fucking depressed and i dont even know why. usually i can take this crap. i mean, its just a bus. why u so scared? last time when i didnt take it because it was in KOBUSAK you say i should learn. well i have learnt, let me take it. As if la kan taking a bus in kobusak area is any safer than here. ish

Secondly, I want to go too. i want to see them. and if you had let me take my license when i asked for it, you wouldnt have to worry about all this. just the safety of the car. 

Thirdly, you have no RIGHT to make fun of my friends. they are MY friends. do you hear me making fun of YOUR friends? hah?? no kan. please la. 

you always tell me treat others as how you want to be treated. YOU NEVER GIVE ME THAT :( 

i do something right, kana marah. I do something wrong, kana marah. i dont do anything, kana marah. I do EVERYTHING, also kana marah. 

Am i doing it wrongly?

Is there something about me that makes you marah me all the time ka? even now when im 18?

I hear parents are always pissed at you until you reach adulthood. 

i know its true, cos even THEY complain about THEIR parents. 

I dont know if there is a parallel universe out there where they dont get pissed at me, but i would like one day like that.

Great, now im really crying. 

urgh

I hate life sometimes. I hate things for no reason. or stupid ones. then i feel stupid and the whole thing becomes stupid and i end up not wanting to feel anything because i feel stupid.

 

i think i lost part of my faith. Praying doesnt give me that happy feeling anymore. i cry every time i pray because i keep ranting to God. I think he's sick of listening to my rants. my angels too are sick of feeling the depressed aura i give out sometimes. 

Sometimes, i wish i could go back to those happy times

when I didnt even know what the word depressed meant. 

when people didnt piss me off so easily

when i was tougher mentally. somehow. lol

I should though, right?

I mean ask them to give me a ride back.

I'll chip in for their petrol. I swear.

Urgh but see the thing is, i want to go out ALONE some times and catch a movie, and i cant. :( And i dont do it in miri cause... well, its boring if there if you go out alone. and expensive. 

i think i might just lose myself in all this

depressed mood: back on
I just can't believe it
though i sort of makes sense now
a bit
maybe
i dont know what to think
i need to talk to someone
but who the hell do i turn to?
vusak has shit of her own happening around her
iman doesnt care anymore what happens to my friends who arent hers
esther has been trying to take care of iman, which totaally means they are in cahoots. lol idk but it would be awkward la if i ranted to her
malcam ... well he might intervene and im not sure my brain can handle that
and im sure as hell not gona talk about this to my classmates

so who do i talk to?
myself?
blogging is one thing mate
talking is another
shit
my brain
is not
going
into hyperdrive
not sure if its the good one, or bad
or depressed
i think its safe to say that its the depressed one
urghh
why now
well, shit follows you right

i think i am losing my mind
"cos im losing my mind, losing my mind, will somebody please tell me im fine?
nothing's all right."

wherever you go

shit follows you

dear God i pray for mental stability

and i know it, and so do you

i feel like randomly posting cheesy shit like how much im not like other girls

how lonely i feel because im single for life

how sad it is to lose the two closest friends i have in college

how much i have a hole in my head

but no i wont

because the list can go on and on

but there will be others out there

who looks like me

or dresses like me

or has gone through every shit i gone through

only 10 times worse

so life may not be that bad

but quit generalizing people, people

it is bad, and you should feel bad

say hello, hello, hello, heh-llo

21-10-2012
its been awhile, yes i am aware of that
hello world! it has been sooo long
i wish i could put all my rants here that i have been ranting about to people
but i cant
because im like that
instead, let me just give you a brief overview
have i told you about JCW? meh i'll just mention it again
IT WAS AWESOMMMME. def joining again next year hihihihihi

hmm
oh right, malaysian studies
so we had this performance thing at imperial mall, kinda cool
I mean, it was hectic in the planning, with ms Val thinkin one thing, telling another, and the deciding on a complete different thing, and afterwards not remember she did/ said anything.
but overall quite fun
ok i must mention also that there was alot of PSY Gangnam style shiznits going on that night.
one of them added me. hahahahaa yala i bangga la, forever alone with no friends ba sa. anyways.

2 weeks after that (meaning, yesterday) i helped record him playing some Sungha Jung shiz.
Dude
holy mother of all things living
he can really play
then after the session he starting telling me about (sorry, i think RANT is the more appropriate term) about how his mom likes to challenge him.
In cooking la, getting girlfriends la
kinda pity him in that sense
but then again, he does seem like the prodigy type

did i mention he also told me all about what kind of girl his mom wants for him? haha thank god im not included. i bare no physical traits of whatever he was describing.

But yeh, kesian la juga. momma's boii. hahahaha
ok moving on

i have another rant, but i'll save it for later. my head hurts from remembering what i wanted to talk about.

its just so slow :(

I wish i could post everything i have been typing about right here right now
ok its not much
but its actually quite a lot
oh but there is one thing i havent written about.
thanks for reminding me.
so um.. im going campus tomorrow to do work in the pondok, for wifi and shit.

maybe i'll post some stuff up then.
till then, ciao <3 p="p">

Walking in front

Okay actually I have to finish my part of the slideshow so I can show em Grace and MeiChee what I have done

But I thought I rather rant for a while first, my brain is dead. 

Well it has been for quite a while, but i'll talk about that later

Anyways, i wanted to rant about said title.

its been on my mind for quite awhile now

Begin

So i hate walking in front. Big deal

I really do you know. 

Hate walking in front of people i mean

even if i am just passing by

i hate it

its like, THEY ARE STARING OMIGOSH I BET THEY JUDGE THE WAY I WALK, THE WAY MY HAIR IS, THE WAY I DRESS, THE EXPRESSION I HAD ON AS I PASSED BY, THE BAG I AM CARRYING,... etcetc

I shouldn't have to continue THAT sentence for you to know that I am insecure about myself.

I know i know i am like the epitome of claiming idgaf how i look like to other people, i mean, if i know you. 

But strangers now

well if you are a rapist, of course you won't look at me. My friends all have assets that i don't. 

be it the face, the way they dress is more stylish, boobs, waist, butt, everything la. 

but because i am there

and because i (for some reason) look like a lesbian, they are ignored too. 

hahahahahaha omg did i just say that? ok well this is my thoughts about myself based on what malcam told me XD do i really look like a lesbian? i certainly hope not. 

Now to look at me from another view. 

So like, i told you guys about hanley and aaron and what i think they think of me right? Taken and shiznits. 

hahaha still funny

anyways

So as a conclusion

to some guys i look like a already have a boyfriend

to some guys i look like i am a lesbian

and im just here like dafaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak not even close to the truth!

 ok i was suppose to rant about not liking walking in front of people. wtf am i doing

k back on track

i don't like walk in front of people because i don't like being followed. 

I do not have confidence with most of my plans

unless i'm taking part too. Then if plan fail, they still can't be pissed at me cos i am there suffering with them. 

but i hate failed plans

usually i dont have one anyways

but even if we are casually walking

if im not the one bringing people to a certain shop, i hate leading

i'll make people walk around in circles.

"Where are you going?"

"Dunno. I'm following you."

"DUDE! I was following YOU!"

true story. me and Ann Lanjuat one day in CP few years back

some kind of rant on the 20/09

I have 2 slideshows due next week, one of them being a presentation, one i just have to print

a presentation outline that i have to write up on,

and i havent started on any

Suppose to start tomorrow since it friday

and baby, you know how free my fridays are.

Oh and guess what. spent about 90% of my day today with Hanley and Aaron. my classmates this sem. have i told you about them sem1 classmates? hahaha ok lemme start.

there are 2 aarons. Chan: who is kinda OCD, loves broadway (OMG), loves classic pop stuff, and isn't that internet savvy. btw he is also 20 because he took stpm before this but didn't get enough credits to go straight to degree.  Chin: Some kind of sabahan who is kinda weird but cool in a sense that he cracks the lamest jokes that are kinda funny, and is dating my senior (layla).

Hanley: KL dude. internet GEEK. mini jamba. hahahaha yeah that about sums it up.

Siti nur intan: orng sarawak, but i forgot from which town. shes nice. appears as the strong silent and deadly one. hahaha

Jassy Chang: all the way from taiwan, never really attends any type of class, jump ship from commerce.

Tahmid: Nice guy, once you get past the scary tall bangla part. though he can be abit off key some times, hes nice. 

Ryan: Yes, the dude who did not appear all last sem suddenly decided to be good boy this sem. hahaha

Nadrah: Umm hard to say. never speak to her often. another one who skips

sufrina: ahhh tau la

i think thats about it? yeah

anyways, what i wanted to say was

We were talking idunoh whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat about gf bf thing kan, and those chan and hanley were like talking about gf dy ba. i never really mention anything la. 

then i look to the side and talk to the dog for a while. 

trus i heard (something like) "No la, dont need kacau denise. sure kan she got boyfriend..."

but it was very soft so i pretend that i didnt hear. besides,

they never asked any questions

so i DO look like i have a boyfriend. hm interesting

maybe why guys dont hit on me. hahahaha

good also la. i think it would be rather weird to date a classmate. haha you know my views on this baby.

but still. 

I look like i have a boyfriend?

I feel kinda sad. 

Would be nice to live up to that impression

just once. 

at least. hehehe

but i think i dont want a boyfriend. not yet anyways. 

idk why, but i have seem to lose interest in guys. 

no, i am not turning lesbo. dagger still owns my heart and i still melt everytime i see the name eric, godric, or taylor kitsch. :p

But

it makes me wonder

if im not interested in guys NOR girls,

then what am i?

in the wrong place? 

or have i just not met anyone? lol no that kid crush thing does not apply. 

i do not have a crush on him anymore. 

but i do miss talking to him :(

oh holy shit.. what have i brought upon myself

so yeah, um, kinda in panic mode right now because in my head all along, i was thinking "hmm slideshow, should be easy. piece of cake! hihihi ppts pun buli baa." so i told my dad sure i'll make it.

Now the file is fucking huge and most the used photos i have deleted so I can easily determine which ones have been used.

Then i decided to google something. 

"How to create slideshow on ubuntu."

and.. tada. i need a program. well fuck

AND THE VIDEO IS NEEDED TOMORROW. OH FUCK

i should have thought this through. 

now its downloading and shit so okay fine

but the fact that i have DELETED about 90% of the photos already that i used is eating me up inside.

now im like WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT

and not ONLY did i do that, I CLEARED MY TRASH

how smart am i?

fuck man. im such a genious

Its going to be a longggg night.

And I just realized why i have my image editor there. 

Now i have to go download it again. shit. 

NIKKI WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF. 

I could have just kept quiet, I should be doing my 1 malaysia ppt. i should be DONE right about now. 

But nooooooooooooooooo 

I brought this upon meself 

fuck

when he leaves later im going down to test out this ppt if it works. 

if it does, im done. 

if it doesnt...im dead

d.e.a.d.

because im going to spend a sleepless night trying to fix it. 

because i suck

sigh

Comics like Batman

As I type this post, I just want all of you to know that I am watching Batman Begins (starring C.Bale) and I feel my comic loving side begining to explode.

I can't tell you how much I love comics. Especially dark disturbing things like Batman. hahahahha idk why I like dark stuff but I just do. :p

He might not be the most colourful and most outstanding one, but he is the most badass one and he kicks ass with like a million different kinds of kung fu.

He's freaking rich, smart ass genious, inventor, uhh what else... so many things. He's just fucking awesome. 

Okay I know what you are thinking, "Ironman is badass too and hes rich and hes a genious! He built his own heart!!" And i'm like BITCH PLEASE ironman didn't go to great lengths to learn how to manipulate fear to use it against the bad guy

And he doesn't have awesome shadow play in his comics.

Okay maybe he does

But not as dramatic

Like fyeah batman is karma times 10.

A bit sloppy at first but he gets better

Missing tha bradersz

Yes, another post about me missing muh braaders.

Lets begin the rant, shall we? Sometimes I think I fear things that haven't happened and might not happen a little too much.
I tell people not to, because it is stupid.
I mean, it IS stupid.
But then, here I am doing exactly that.

I always do that.
I keep saying "yes it can be done yes it can be done" but my brain is going like HEELLLL NO BIATCH. YOU IS GANA FAIILLL MISERABLY AND YOU IS GANA BE SO MISERABLE YOU DIE
okay maybe not those exact words, but you get the picture.

People look at me, and they see the happy girl. The one who is cheerful. The one who somehow always looks so calm even though you know that a number of things are disturbing her. The one who doesn't talk about stress or things that are bothersome.

But inside, shes actually the one who is going to break down.
She doesn't know it yet, or maybe she does but she doesn't know when.

And eventually it overwhelms her, and she breaks down.
By then, she needs a good friend to confide it, one who will just listen and nod and not say "its okay". Or at least someone who'll start making up some weird psychotic scenario where they both go and exact revenge

No I'm not being sadistic. My friend really did that to me the other day and man did it lift my mood up.

I do miss my friends, I really do. We can talk for hours, or just sit chilling for hours, and not feel bored or anything by each other's presence. Or at least, I feel like that. Idk about the rest.

I thank God I met them in highschool. I really do.

last minute - as usual

today I must finish all my work and hantar all by tomorrow morning or else i am going to fail and die. ok end of rant for now

so wrong it's right...right?

Can't believe tuition free week is coming already. Its freaking  next saturday! My uncle is getting married next Saturday! I'm going to wear a dress! omg!
okay lol why did type like that

so anyways, my dear readers (whoever you are) if you have been reading my previous posts, i have been pretty depressed lately.
I must tell you now, that since my change of scenery, i have recovered.
Though i still miss them. A lot.
I really do

I mean, i do kinda regret stop talking to them altogether.
But if i'm all depressed and shit, how the hell do i talk to them without accidentally insulting? I mean, i become very unstable there. You know that. right baby? ;3

But now I don't know what to say to them :/

How to start talking to these two people whom i have stopped talking to? and everytime i do see them i feel all sad?
gah
I need to overcome this. Come one Denise! you can do this!!

This is hard.

"I have to go and leave you alone. But always know that i love you so."

To say...

To say things aren't as bad as they look might be a lie

To say i don't miss you guys is a huge lie

To say I don't miss the times and memories we had together is a lie

To say I don't miss talking to you guys is a lie

To say I don't want to talk to you is another huge lie.

But where do I start? :(

So the Church or the Religion?

I wanted to post my sad posts about Emaan and my friendship with both her and Sheryl but I thought about it.... and no. Maybe not. Seems very one sided. Fuck that shit
So now I'm going to post another thing altogether
What is it about?
drums please *drum roll*
*ba dum tsss*
THE CHURCH AND THE RELIGION
Yes. The topic came up the other day when I was having dinner with vusak and her friends in this expensive kedai kopi
We were confused with Vincent's (not real name...seriously. we call him that but that is not his real name) religion because apparently he used to be Christian but he left but then he still likes wearing cross? yeah
Then JB (NOT BIEBER. idk his full name) asked "did you leave the church or the religion?)
After that I blanked out for awhile
It was a really good question. It also reminded me of a video I was once saw. The Church vs The Religion (or soooommmmmmething like that. forgot the title)

Which is why I have developed a very special version of faith. Well, I think its only me.

No, i am not going to start a religion with this faith. Lol thats so lame. hahahha anyways
Here is my list:
1) Don't go to church unless you feel comfortable. - like seriously. I hate the church here. give me stella or sacred heart or st michael any day. A church is a church, no matter what, yes. But I just don't feel comfortable.
2) Don't believe in the new stuff the church is claiming. - I rather stick with the last decade's view thank you very much.
3) Having Faith that something Greater than you exists is a gift, not a necessity. -Though that "Greater being" should be something awesomely positive and well known, instead of creepy and unknown except to you.
4) Accept that other people have their own beliefs. -We are all going to die one days anyways.
5) Accept that maybe the supernatural does exist. - Don't disturb them, they do the same for you. But also don't doubt until the moon that they don't exist. Not everything can be explained by science you know.

So thats how MY Faith works. Thats my belief. Oh but theres more:
-All lores have some kind of truth in them. All of them. Not stories based on them, I mean THE LORE ITSELF.
-All legends are real, once upon a time
-A comfortable church is one that looks cooling. Or just plain cool. Why?

• A church you go to should make you feel at ease...make you go into a peace phase...should make you want to go more often. A church should feel like a home...where you can dress up :D I think. My POV

Please take note okay... THIS IS MY POV. MINE. POINT. OF. VIEW. After 5 years of shaping it. I might have some other stuff too but to post it means I might get in trouble.

Well I can't think anymore. I would love to go on but I can't
I know I'm not exactly in love with churches atm but I just don't feel any calling.
The church calling me is in kk
And is called Stella Maris
And yes, I miss it. It brings me peace whenever I go there
Besides, I know 90% of the faces there, 40% I know by name

How I miss home

My mind craves for healing prayers

Dear Lord, I pray for sanity

I hate it when I have to vent.

Especially if it is about a friend.

But seriously, its messed up.

One is basically over thinking things, and assuming a lot of things, plus feeling not loved and shit.

The other is pissed because that previous one is assuming things.

And here I am stuck in the middle, frustrated at the both, depressed because i feel awkward talking to on, and the other is my Sabahan buddy, so we are pretty tight.

Fuck this shiiiiiiit.

Had a talk with Chan. Unlike when I spoke with Malcam, the talk with her was very refreshing and it felt very light. Urgh. kinda regret going to him. 

Anyways

Yeah, why is there always shit?

Marah ni >:|

I miss people who just accepted things as they are

I miss people who saw all sides, and accepted the positive side as most probable.

I miss normal calm people.

Yes, I am going to say it.

I miss Convent.

Somehow, I miss Convent. 

No, not that part. But the part where everyone sort of just accepts everything and anything you do. They might question it, but they don't tell you their judgment till you over do yourself.

It might be a little late, but then, sometimes it is just a one time thing. 

A phase, one might say.

I hope this shit is just a phase.

Otherwise I'm going to graduate pretty depressingly sad.

And I hate being depressed.

I was going to say that when I reached KK my parents brought me to my grandparents' place to surprise me with a cake, 

but then...

Yeah. I thought this was more important to rant about first.

I need to say something

Yes I am very aware that you wanted to eat just now, and that you had already asked me earlier what my plans were. Sorry, but you could have said something earlier.

Ugh, I feel like I'm back stabbing you or something doing this, and you will probably say something about this later on behind my back

Yes I am also very aware that you contributed the most in that party thingy and that now I probably owe you some kind of debt. I didn't even expect the party, and it was sweet and awesome and all

But you didn't have to.

If you wanted to eat out just now, you could have said something when we met at 2.

But you didn't.

And frankly, I'm getting tired of you assuming that I will always consider you when I want to go eat. You know very well I don't think of anyone but myself when I want to eat.

You have to speak out sometimes, ya know, like say how much you don't like the shit the first time round or at least the second or third. You know... early say.

Instead of letting your pissed off-ness build and build and at last find out that everything is not going the way you like at all.

And ... PAH!

Palui bah! 

If only if ONLY

And a theory has surfaced,

One that I have considered but always brushed aside.

What if Pingu is actually the victim, and not you?

Dear Lord, help me understand :(

And I hope you don't take this the wrong way

Even with shit unfolding everywhere, sometimes I wonder why do I let myself be dragged in. 

I mean

Yeah baby, I do love you.

You are my first friend here on Curtin that I actually became close to.

But yeah, shit happens.

And people and things and circumstances change...

But man... have some sense to realise.

Maybe it is just you bringing drama with you and letting it all happen and shit.

Maybe it is just you.

Maybe.

I'm getting sick of it.

Both of us are.

I would love to go and say something about this matter to you, 

but you are the "psychology" student, you won't listen.

We know you won't.

How?

Well...

I think we know more about psychology than you do. 

I don't care if you studied it.

If you can't apply it, then you didn't learn shit. 

I'm sorry.

I really do love you and all.

But you need to gather your shit and straighten them out before telling us stuff and stuff that idrgaf about.

Ash, I miss you.

Bel, I miss you.

Kim, I miss you.

Vadee, I miss you. 

Leng, I miss you.

And Britt... I miss you too.

Can I just officially announce that I am officially slightly depressed?

Vusak, I miss being in kk with everyone :(

I was in Curtin Sarawak when I had to celebrate my 2012 birthday. Click said link to read about it. :)

my Creative Juices are dry

Well I'm leaving.

For Miri. Don't worry, I'm not leaving the country or something.

Probably gona see bel and vad later, not sure.

But I definately will see Vusak.

She's in Curtin tooooo!

hmm what to say what to say..

So many things to say but no words I have to describe em.

For instance, my iPhone just decided to go into that loop again.

what loop? oh just the infinite loop of restarting over and over again..

I think my dad just made it worse by doing the boot thingy after I said that it doesn't work

urgh

Daddy Daddy

I know you think you are more tech savvy, but this is MY phone. I have spent more time on it than you.

I have solved this 'loop' thingy before, and no, not by booting it.

Apparently it can only be fixed (I mean prolonged) by restoring it to factory default and syncing it again. 

Unfortunately, the problem doesn't go away.

iPhone user 557 (or whatever) is probably right. Its a problem with the hardware.

I am too lazy to fix it the way I know so I'm most probably reverting back to my old sony erricson. oh well, at least I actually enjoy using this S.E.

Its not like its a Nokia 3110 or something, but its quite similar.

Tho since my dad used it, it has gained a line in the middle of the screen.

Then there's the fact that shopping lately has been very productive.

I've been out shopping with my mum for clothes for 3 times now: 1st being the day me, my mum, and my sis went to colours and bought 3 dresses and a cardigan for 200 Ringgit.

2nd is when we went to suria to buy something for my grandma. 1 hour, in metro, we found 2 beautiful blouses. tho we were in Kepayan, but that was like 30 mins looking at clothes that were ill-fitting and 1 hour of lunch. I still say that it was a productive day

3rd is today. Bought 2 long sleeved checkered shirts, a pair of flats, stuff from GIANT, and some Simply Chocolate. Yes, I am bringing that back to Miri to share with people who have never tasted Beautiful Sabah choc. mmm

Great now I'm getting hungry.

We let kakak Rut bring Baloo home dy. he is now called poncho. Pippin and Brutus are being given away tomorow to uncle bret and akung winston. hmm Kelly and Dobby not sure yet. 

OH! yeah Dobby has mange on his tail.

puuuuuuunya kasiaan i tell you

the tip of his tail has no more hair, and its sort of spreading? yeah. I think one of the reasons why he is sleeping so much. 

oh, did i mention he is fat? hahaha :3

Rufus is doing quite well too. 

that hairy thingy is such a loving pup. yes, i love him too :3

He acknowledges me as his owner. buahaha 

Anyways

I don't know what else to fill you in on. 

Will blog again later.

Cheerio

Another rant about another person

"golden leaves looked brown to me, the world had less colour without you."

Watching Shrek 4 again today for the uptenth time.
I haven't really been out since I came back. Went out once that day. And that was for such a lil while it was as if I didn't go out at all. But catching was fun, even though it was like for 2 hours. Thanks vus <3

One person I haven't spoken to at all since forever is Leng. That girl doesn't reply texts, whatsapp, viber or Facebook... ok well she does. But late la. ugh. I miss talking to her man. but noooo
she lupa kawan. :(

"You are a CAT-astrophe!"
"and you are ri-DONKEY-les."

Good God that line always gets me XD

Anyways
Leonnie Louiselle, I miss you bro. :(

a question on friends in curtin

Do you know that feeling?

That familiar feeling

That comfortable feeling that you miss so much?

That feeling of fitting in perfectly

That feeling of trust you have in someone

That feeling of knowing that the people around you will never let you down no matter what

No matter what favor you ask

No matter what kind of shit you get into, they don't judge

No matter what you do in public, they don't care

They don't question you when you do something in the interest of yourself

And of course there's the that feeling of being included in a group. You know, when you consider the opinions of all the people in the group and not just what you think is the best

Yeah I really miss those days

When this feeling is felt everyday

I took it for granted

And now...well I'm wary la. Not really trusting people yet still trusting

Because everyone is doing the same. No la, I do trust people, just not as many as I used to.

No, don't lie, YOU DO THIS TOO. Denial is just step one towards acceptance. hahaha oh thank you SO MUCH Mr Jamba. Now that line is in my head. Forever.

Anyways

Let me introduce a couple of my recently after tuition free week acquainted friends

Vicky: Nice girl, Sarawakian blood, but born in Sabah. Nice girl, can get on the nerves a bit, but shes nice ba juga :)

Quinni: Penampang-ian, always ready to volunteer to do something. with sports la. if kana ask she won't really say no. BUTTTTTTTT she moved to Taylors dy. to do ... architecture

Sheryl:  Sandakan-ian. shes nice. abit sensitive to bitches and assholes but nice. Fun to hang out with, even though always angry with the world. haha

mmmm..... well there were more, but i dont hang with em much

Oh btw, I don't hang with that... Devina anymore.

Apparently she doesn't mind us bullying here because she loves the attention >:| bikin panas ni ba

so yeah. There is more actually, but no i shall not post it here. She could be one of the annonymus people following me :O

This one is for the friends who can be counted on

EVERYTHING IS SO DIFFERENT OMG

So hi guys. Back in kk! Hihihi and MAN IT FEELS SOGOOOOOOOOOOD. I'll post my 2 month blog later, alot of updates there heheheh. But lets get to the urgent matter NOW. what the heck happened to blogger? I mean, i dissapear for like, a couple of months, and BAM! It evolves. Wow. I should dissappear more often right? Oh my grammar iz dying. Eheheh i need to read. Gah. Moving on. THE PUPPIES. OMG SO CUTE. when i get the chance i shall upload kayyyyyyy asdfghjkl Oh and shit has happend. I need to updates you but umm... Bot here. I mean not. Yes i am that lazy to delete and eit as i type because man blogger has become even more un mobile friendly xD So i'll catch ya later? Yeah. I need to go and sleep. Have a blood donation drive and fam gathering tomorrow. YNWA guys and sleep tight :)

paranoid for no reason

hi. Im denise. Im bored. I have 2 people following me here anonymously. 

I am afraid.

Should I privatize my blog? :O 

Curtin is so... Special

HAI GUYS. IM BACK!
Lol no i mean i have been back since saturday but i only remembered i had a blog today (SORRY BABY)
Well leme just post this thing here, its the note i had been blogging on since the campus comps block blogger.

Today is my first day of orientation. I am excited yet friggin scared. And everytime i think of seanna i tear up. I think that was the hardest part. Parting with her. I mean, who else is gona wake her up at 5am??

Anyways. when they said 'we around brunei dy', my sister suddenly started asking for me ba. Probably (if she could talk) 'wheres nikki jiejie? Whyshe not here? Why we not picking her up? Why did we leave her there? Why am i hungry?' (okay that last part i randomly added. Heh)
But yeah. I thought i could cope with it, but apparently i cant.
Seanna had grown on me a lot. More than i thought. Even though she is the autistic sister who doesnt give a damn what i say to her when i tell her things, i still love that kid sososo much. Haihyah. 

This will be the uptenth time this past two days that i am thinking this. 'maybe i should not have applied.'

Idkla. Pretty place and all, but it takes times to get used to all this. Heeeesshhh. Teda lagi internet sia. Hmph

Day two
Hi. I haz no internet so i shall blog here on my notepad till i get some. Hihi anyways. A quote by Gandalf The Grey:
'there was a little corner of his mind that was still his own, and a light came through it, as though a chink in the dark: light out of the past. It was actually pleasant, i think, to hear a kindly voice again, bringing up memories of wind, and trees, and sun on the grass, and such forgotten things.'
A quote from Gildor Inglorion
'The wide world is all about you: you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot for ever fence it out.'
It is said that : one does not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. 
It is also said that: one does not go to Elves for counsel, for they will say both no and yes

I used to think JRR Tolkien was too deep for me. I still do. But so is stephen king. Well, apparently i like a challenge in reading. 
Yes i borrowed my uncle's LOTR trilogy book. No i didnt bring any s.king. Didnt want to scare myself too early now. Haha. 

Oh i saw audrey just now. Oh wait. I should tell you about orientation. 

Bloody hell punya boring. 

I was on the verge of screaming my heart out after lunch. So... Boring. Ugh

Day Three
So today even though there was a free lunch, i decided to go out anyways to McD to eat with reen. Yeah i made a buddy friend called reeen and she can drive and she brought me out. Hihi shes awesome. Shes in diploma though so yeahhhhhhh

17/03
Joined the city tour today. Jason's here yayyyyyyy ada kawan. Fyi, jason was in my group during orientation night. He thought my name was victoria hahaha well thats a first. Hmm I wonder who else is joining in today. oh and darryl and alex stopped by. Trying to get to villa but they dont know which bus to take. They were also in my group. Hahaha funny pepol. Its 9.15 and the buses leave at 9.30. Time passes so slowwlyyyy...
Oh look, starting soon. Yay bordom buster-ed. Looool
Picking up villa and village people first. Why they gave those places those name, i will never know.

So for team building, they made us play sports. Funfun. And as luck would have it, futsal la juga we win. Hihihi made my day. Anyways, we also played some shuffling game, basketball, frisbee, touch ball(a form of rugby) and tug of war. Fun day. ;) but no going back till 10+ :( sigh. And im tired. And sticky. Andand... Yeah...
So my team members, were iman from oman, derrick from penang, adrian from kk (allsaints), lam from KL, kevin from labuan, teo from... Kuching i think? And at dinner, devina from qatar and pang from kk (allsaints) crashed our table. Awesome people. Hihi

26/03
I havent updated you in a while. Hmm what to type now? Well iman and devina sort of dragged me into their group and i made friends with the whole gang. Of international students. Theres iman and devina, esther (brunei), abdullah (saudi), malcalm (fiji, or was it fuji? :O), ahmed (brunei also), ralph (polipins) and uhh yeah just to name a few. Heh. Theres also zain (india) but he's more of a straggler than really PART OF the group. i dont know why :|

anyways. Let me tell you a bit about what i know of each of em. 
Ahmed : sorry bro but you dont appear much so i cant put much words to you except that you are small and you fear walking in dim lighted parts of campus. XD sorry
Iman : hates the weather. Ultra sensitive to touch. Lazy to do laundry. Lives in apt above me. 
Devina : iman's bff. Hates weather. Smallest in the group. Also ultra sensitive to touch. Loves indon alot
Esther : lives on 3rd floor of my block. Skater. Rocker (literally). Religious yet very open minded. Yes she is straight and has a bf. 
Malcalm : loves singing anything not rock. Trying to lose weight. Uhhh mempunyai mulut yg tajam. (no other words xD)
Ralph : talks about anime almost everytime i hear him talk. Loves playing pranks. 
Abdullah : tall. Likes to bully devina. 

Well, technically, we all like bullying devina. Even iman says so. Like seriously, devina is just so fun to bully xD hahaahha okayokay it is kinda meaan but hey. What are friends for? Lol wrong expression. Moving on...

Classes have officially begun. In moral, i am stuck in one of the 2 only chinese groups. Why? Idk. Meanwhile, derrick got some other group over there and im here suffering in my ciplak chinese. Haih. Ok good oppurtunity to relearn. 
Derrick who? Oh. Scroll up. Hes the dude in my o group during ct tour. Apparently we be in lectures, and wrs&moral tutorials together. Yay ada kawan. 


So un yeah. I guess you could say im fitting in quite okay with curtin now. But the FOOD. habibah. They need to improve just a lil bit there. Somtimes its AWESOME. anD sometimes... Well... Yeah its just tastes weird. Sometimes got salt sometimes none. Haha yeah ikr. Inconsistent. Must be the dif chefs. M

Anyways. Flying back this sunday. So bo i will not be going to iuday. Though i kiiimda want to. :p
Thats all now. Will blog more latEr.

HOW I MISS BLOGGING

Last day in sabah, tomorrow first day in curtin

Today was my last day in sabah. 
Today was the last day in my house. 
I already miss my bedroom. Great. 
My guitar is gona sit there and gather dust. 
My pillow will gather dust. 
My chair and table and my shelf and well, basically EVERYTHING will gather dust. 
I am very... Depressed. 
Cant see my friends for a few months, much less unfortunate than most people, but still. I miss them so much already. 
But yet, i am so excited for college life. 
A new environment, aaaand i'll be living on my own for a while. 
Without a laptop, but i think i can survive for one year. I think 0.0 i get my mum to ship over the mini dell la if i really cannot tahan

So the trip here was really uneventful. Remember my last post? I stayed up till 1.30 am i think. 
Yeahh well the roadtrip made me sleep so okay then. Okay. I got my sleep. 

But i didnt get to see his house for the last time. Before i left for sarawak 
Why this obsession? Well i have this obsession with seeing my friends house whenever i know im going to pass it. I always look out for bels. Vusaks. And if i cant see the house, i look out for the junction :D

Yes i am weird. Hihi

I dont really know what else to talk about. Ngahhh yeah i think in done then. Will blog again tomorrow kayss. Muah

I will miss you sabah

so. I am suppose to be asleep. 

Not on this computer.

Which just conveniently is still on. 

gahhhh

I'm leaving tomorrow.

I mean today.

Later, ugh whateves.

Roadtrip just to see me off in miri. Nice la dadi.

And of all the days, today i have insomnia.

okay well thats a lie.

I have been having insomnie ever since february drew close to the end.

maybe thats why i got sick...?

darn this sickness.

and that last saturday was the day the whole world was out again

ugh

regrets of not going out :(

didnt even get to say bye to redbull properlyy D:

you see la. im gona wake up crying

haiyah you know what baby? ima go wattpad and write something. 

see you again soon baby. you will be my ranting space when things get rough *hearts and hugs* No of course twitter hasnt taken over that job, psch are you kidding me?

Will Movie Trailer - Will Trailer

For darling Vadee

Because i love you and we look absolutely gorgeous.

Soo... vadee. hmmm

We met in Form 1, classmates.

we had that 'drama' thing during english class at one point in F2 (which i did horribly in LOL)

in F3 somehow we became closer even though i had already changed classes to 3E instead of staying in 3D, and you were some kind of Taiko with rival chan (TaiLui) and about 20 minions, all of whom you could hardly remember the names XD

starting F4 we became REAAALLY close and started hangin' out more often

we bonded alot, esp when it came to walking to the library hihihi the subjects we would talk about loool

in F5 we walked to the library the most until .. yeah that. Alot of parties were planned in school and in the library by you

vadee, ye are a brilliant girl. But the pressure you get... I salute you for holding up. 

you were also among the first of us to use sticky notes. kan kan from emeh and nerd them all kan

Anyways, what i really want to say is happy belated birthday 

haven't found time till today to do this and i just hope you found this remotely interesting

I really dont know how to end this. If i was 10 i would typed BFFL but i am not 10

I love ya vadz. hihihi

THIS ONES FOR THE GIRL WHO IS PLAIN BRILLIANT

ps: i love this hair

LOOK AT THAT. SO BEAUTIFUL. I WANT THIS

something to pass the time

Looking back, everything that made no sense at the time now makes sense.

So much so it scares me.

No wait, it doesn't scare me. 

It terrifies me.

What if everything hadn't turned out the way it was suppose to turn out?

What if I was actually the chosen one? 

What if...??

So many questions run through my head when I think back to that day.

When I think back to us.

What we had.

Why wasn't I there to protect you?

So many questions that so few know the answer to.

And I am on my way to seeing one of them.

He lives in the high peaks of Darcy Mountain. First climbed by (ehem) a dude called Darcy.

1000 years ago he built a house there, and came back down.

Mind you, he went up alone. On his way down though, he was with a girl who looked no more than 20.

You wouldnt think this odd, no of course not. He was in his early years as well, 25 or so the legend says.

But she claims to have lived 200 years.

She had lived on that enchanted mountain with her entire family, father, mother, and younger brother and sister.

All was well until she reached the eve of her 20th birthday.

An old friend of her father had decided to pay a visit and so he climbed the mountain. Of course he didnt need reach the top, that time they lived on the halfway peak.

They had a wonderful lunch, and this friend decided to give the girl a present. For having lived 2 full decades.

Whatever this gift was, she turned it down. And her father told him to leave and never return. Needless to say, this 'friend' had already passed the gift to her without anyone knowing. Not even the girl.

So he walked out with a smirk and an odd dance in his steps, knowing all would go well for him.

And not so for her.

Years passed and as her parents died, she stayed the same. She watched her brother and sister move out of the house and get married. She saw them have kids. She was always known as the family friend. No one knew she was their sister. 

She took up necromancy and learned how to disguise herself.

She nursed her siblings to health when they were dying.

One day she found a spell to make people immortal. Her siblings begged her to turn them or at least another man so she wouldn't be so alone, she refused.

"I will find a way to end this, I will." She says that everytime she looks in the mirror.

Her siblings died, and so she moved up to the top of the mountain. Until the day that man came. 

So now here i am climbing back up this mountain. I know shes not there. She probably moved in with him all those years ago and probably found a way to reverse her immortal 'curse'. 

Either way, her books might still be here... right?

I might still find an answer.

I may even find her and ask her to help me, if she is willing.

I might.

Names that connect

Well mother decided to take a nap so here i am again.

hello blogger ;)

one of the things i am dying to post needs me connected to fb but its not loading so i shall post something else first:

MY FAVOURITE FAMOUS PEOPLE
and names they have in common with each other  ;)
ALEX Gaskarth, Skarsgard
ADAM Hyde, Lambert, Levine
Craig, Matthew BELLAMY
DANIEL Agger, Radcliffe

well, just to name a few.

I dont know why. THE COINCIDENCE OMG

then there is another fellow, TOM FELTON

ahhhh the hot stuff. I just had to make it extra large sorry XD

i would post a picture of each and everyone of those hot people i just mentioned too

but i too lazy :p

off to watch supernatural with mumsy, hihi

Hehloooooooooooooooooooooooooooo darlings! Heres to a quick update

1) LIVERPOOL VS BRIGHTON - 6-1!!! hihihi so happy. stayed up till 3 something just because of that and yet somehow i could still wake up for work at 8. hihi YAY LIVERPOOL

2)KREDS sent 3 teams to join an Under-12 futsal competition last weekend. mind you, they only had about 2weeks to train :O 2 boys and 1 girls. Team A was pretty strong but they got kicked out early. hahaha so they left the earliest. sian la juga. Team B lasted by luck cos they won their first match by a walkover :D but yeahhh they didnt make it either :| NOW HERES THE AWESOME PART.
Kreds girls not only got SECOND, but they also had one girl who was awarded BEST PLAYER! hohoho so proud of em kiddos :') this was at stadium penampang last week. pretty cool. for a moment i actually wished i was 11 or something again just so i could join XD
Nana came to support (hihihi), so did cousin michelle, regina and one of the twins (not sure who XD but hes MU i think. Or chelsea. yeah its like havoc in that house when it comes to football XD) Kenneth Lai came (hahaha didnt expect that but OHKAY) aaaaaand stalker dude. yeah :O was hoping for more kids above 12 like ASH but yeah he didnt come :(

3) as you know i have gained a new stalker. From DPM prom. Very annoying. Doesnt know when I dont wana talk etcetc yeah hes pretty much oblivious. Anyways, During the KREDS thing last weekend, i saw him yeah and i THOUGHT he didnt see me. guess i was wrong. THANK GOD he didnt come say hi tho. i mean, if he did he needs to buy a shirt which ofc he doesnt want to because he aint liverpool. hahahha

4) I HAD MY COMPUTER TEST TODAY ASDFGHJKL and i passed ;) hihihi okays so its 42/50 so what. having bengkel tomorrow me thinkss.

5) HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMI. i love youuuu *hearts*

6) LIVERPOOL GOING TO WEMBLEY TOMOROOWWW i cant wait ASDFGHJKL

I was gona post other stuff but i forgot. hahaha i will post la as soon as i remember. oh btw

i never thought i'd say this, but THESE ARE THE HOTTEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN A TV SHOW. well, next to eric and godric but ngehh. supernatural is a WHOLE different story here my friend.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE OFFENDED – WHEN IT SUITS

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE OFFENDED – WHEN IT SUITS

Driving

Dafuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Yes, if i had any shred of photoshopping skills i would use that meme. 

Why? Oh nothing. 

ITS JUST THAT MY DAD TRIED TEACHING ME HOW TO DRIVE!!!

AWWWWWW YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH

but bloody hell. Did he yell alot. I expected that la. 
What i DIDNT expect was

That

He

Brought

Me

To

Drive

On

the







BEACH. 

Lol. Gave me the shock of my life. So many trees 0.0

But ngam la also, in a way. No cars. At alll. Just...  Trees. 

Alot of em. 

:O

For darling Kimlau

So, like Fred, we have known each other since f1 but never really that close till f3. 

That was because in f3 i went into the second class instead of the first. And damn was i happy.

We all decided to go library together (you me bel vus)

The four of us suddenly became the best of friends. :p I guess being classmates does that to you. Especially when one has this HUGE exam coming towards you. *ehem PMR...

But I  guess that wasn't what brought us together as friends.

What did was the fact that we hung out so much. 

Studying.

In f4 we were classmates again until f5.

We joined interact club together ;) and we helped each other out with homeworks and stuffs

I noticed also that you were the kind that looks for information. ALOT of information. :p

Oh heyyyyyyyy. Remember last year? We got so bored we made up a game just to pass the time. Sadly, I forgot how it goes. hahahahah But I remember we had a really colourful paper because of another game and we gave it to leng. well, I did.

After all this, I'm still not so sure how we are close :O

My best guess is its just the joining in of the many activities that brought us close. And those random moments in class when everyone else is asleep. hihi

Hey Kim? I love you <3

"Here's to the one who can be really unexpected"

For darling Freddie

I've decided to use your profile picture because I don't have access to the photo I took with you :( That is in the other laptop. Yeahhhh

So Freddie. We haz been friends since form1 scouts. But I don't think we became close until... f3? yeah well We did a lot of things together in f3. 

We joined shorinji in f3

We started hanging out in the library and studying together. 

That was an awesome year it was

In f4, me and Sally convince the service co's to elect you one too so tadaa we became service co's together in f4 :3

hmmm. what else can I say about you here?

Well, you are a great friend.
We made countless moments unforgettable.
You literally listen to every word anyone says. Which is an great thing

And you keep everything to yourself until absolutely necessary to inform others. A great secret keeper.

Freddie I love you :3

"Here's to the babe who listens the most"

from the POV of a prisoner

I couldn't tell what was real any more.

I couldn't tell which way was up or down.

I couldnt even differentiate colours from their names. Blue became red, green became red, black became red and all that.

Even as I write this, I can hear the guards coming.

They are dragging all the others out and beating them until they groan no more.

They are dragging all the others out and torturing them until they beg for their life to end.

I can hear body after body being dragged away, back out into the courtyard. Most likely to be burnt.

I can smell burning flesh.

Good Lord, what's happening out there?
Women and children were screaming as their skin burnt off. 
Husbands and fathers were watching in despair as they awaited their turn too.


I could almost see it if I closed my eyes and simply


LISTENED


As I continue writing this composition, and I do hope that it reaches someone, the guards are unlocking my cell door. 
Goodbye cold world. 

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2012

hey guyssss. i sorta left you on a kind of sentimental note right? sigh.
well, i have a lot of those days, nowadays. forever aloneeee


anyways. i need to say something about this.

first off, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEARRR
its the year of the water dragon!! booyeah. ang pao aka $$ comin'. well, if you go to every open house available. hahaha okay anywayss

another thing
KREDS organized in conjunction with this, a shirt designing contest. I kinda SUCK at desigining on the comp, so i did pencil and paper. IM THE ONLY ONE WHO DID THAT HAHAHHA OH GOD I AM SO KIDDY

anyways

wana see? scroll down. later

another thing i wana say is, after every person's birthday this year, ima make a blogpost shout out to em. i'll put it on tumblr cos pict posts look better there :3

freddie's birthday just passed. SHES THE FIRST AMONG US 18!!!! hihi. kim is next

okay so later i have some people coming over, so ima sleep now.

1.10A.M. as i type. NIGHTS <3

yeahwell, compared to the rest, they were BEAUTIFUL.

I'll upload the winner when its announce ;)

I go on 9gag alot now

Hmm cant sleep. 

Okay i can, AND I SHOULD. but but i need to rant first. 

#1
I THINK HE HATES ME. 
seriously.
I reply his texts so late now, its like i ignore them. I say sorry but i dont think he believes em :(
I feel bad. 
Mad at myself. 

i mean, THE ONE DAY I DECIDED TO NOT BATHE AT 6 BUT AT 10 AND HE TEXTS ME. asking for one of his senior punya number. ASDFGHJKL good God i've gone insane

I cant wait for the day i can look at his name and not feel jitty. 

#2
The other day i volunteered (well technically she ASKED bgehhehehe) to help vadee paint some kedai in gayastreet. 

Its for some exhibition on gaya street's history. Something like that la. They've been collecting history from each shop and pictures and all that stuff. Sounds cool right? Well when i find out when its actually happening i shall tell you ;)

Anyways. Made a new buddy. Her name is natasha. Idk whats her family name tho xD shes nice :) shes also kinda still in shock that what was suppose to be a community project, became a huge event. 

IN CONJUNCTION WITH CITY DAY. or something. Hahahaha 8th feb? Idk im badddd with these things. <
After that vadee sent me home. :3 thank you again aunty!! <3

#3
This one happened today.wtf man. Hahahah okay well remember when i said i went to dpm prom? Well i didnt really talk to anyone new there (save for the few commitee members whom i was helping out). APPARENTLYYY. some one remembered me. 

Hahaha ok sini sia akan kembang :3 lol

He added me just now. I was helping brit with guest list before the prom so i reckognized la the name. He was there at the prom so i accepted only laa. 

Trus dia INBOX ni ba. Lol. Dude. My wall is open la kan? <
Anyways. 

We started talking and he asked about futsal. 

He. Wants. To. Play. Futsal. With. Me. 

Punya main gembira saya. 

Made my whole day. Hahahaha ok kinda creepy also la. You dont ask random people you just added whether they wana play futsal or not with you unless memang you are kreds futsal organizer. And also, one simply does not ask a girl that question unless you know her. 

Even THAD asked me that longhg after he knew i was into football. So did james. And bryan. And kamijan. and michelle... Hahaha okok so alot of people have asked me to play futsal with em. Come at me bro. *gangsta pose*

Bottom line is, i was kinda flattered he actually read my info box before talking to me. And also kinda scared :O he said the futsal friendly could help us 'get to know each other better'. I WEAR FULL BODY ARMOUR AND GO ALL SHORINJI ON YOU THEN YOU KNOW. be careful man. 


And yeah. In thinkin whether i should go or not tomorrow :( if not i shall call mana and tell her instead about friday.

Hmm dilema, dilema. 

So bloody emo today. WHATS WRONG NIKKI? :(

What the hell man. What the hell. 
Why am i crying?? Over such a minor thing??
I guess when i wrote subconsciously "i miss my bros so much i could cry," i was telling the truth. I just didnt want to admit it. 
Idk why but i only found out that today was the day we were all suppose to meet up. 
Oh shitshit emotional time. Shit. 
I think ima take my shower. Might feel better. 

But i highly doubt it. 

resolutions?

I reread that last post. ahahahahaha BERJIWANG OH.
ish
anyways. I just realized i haven't told you my new year's resolutions.
I shall now proceed to.

1. PRIORITY : GET OVER HIM. seriously. ASDFGHJKL i cannot handle this. HE LIKES SOMEONE ELSE LA KAN. he told me about it. and i'm just here like....................................................................... okay get a grip. I can and i shall. you just watch me
2. get a license. pls pls pls i want one before i leave to miri
3. NOT fail my foundation year. Highschool has given me a fear of failing
4. write a song PROPERLY hahahah
5. complete my book on wattpad
6. draw and paint  my own decos in my room :3

but in order to complete #6, i need to get another paint set =.= because it is very possible my mum either threw my BRAND NEW ONE away or donated it. SIGH :(

So maybe

Stalking ze kid and listening to mix.fm playing a thousand years. LOL i know its stupid but it just made me so

berjiwang.

christina perri speaks for me a lot in this situation. sigh

"I have died everyday waiting for you" to bloody text me.

then i find out you actually like someone else. *world crash down*

then suddenly a beam of light appeared. You weren't suppose to have feelings for him anyways


DAMMIT


I need to stop stalking you.

I keep... sigh.

Maybe if i stop talking about you ... I'll get over you faster. yeah.

I should do that.

should i?

Then maybe i'll be able to feel normal whenever i'm talking/chatting with you.

Like how i feel for kamijan, rioan, redzwan, bryan, carl, punie, hans

BUT YOU ARE DIFFERENT

sigh

I guess there'll always be that thing.

now playing : "...I dont believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now..." << i'm gona look for these chords now. "...And all the roads that lead you there are winding..."

"...cause maybe your gona be the one that saves me..."

A need for inspiration

You never told me this, but I always knew.

Deep down inside me

Always.

No mother, stop. I knew everything since the start.

The only thing I never knew was... why?

Why keep me here?

Why coop me up inside this hell hole you call a house?

And why keep me from the outside world? Without letting even a single piece of news from there reach my ears. Do you really think I'm that naive?

Or are you afraid I would become corrupted?

Dearest mother, (if I should even call you that) I get enough corruption from you and that man you told me to call father.

Yes I know.

I know I'm not yours.

You have kept me in here for the past 18 years. I think I'm old enough to know that THAT is not right.

Let me out now.

Hahaha ok I bet you are thinking somewhere along the lines of "WHAT IS THIS." Well I had a sudden urge to write something like this, so i shall. Aaaan i might just include it in my book. heh. Maybe. 

Or I might start a whole new story based on this.

P/S : I actually have another story in mind I have been DYING to write out but U haven't a chance because I'm currently writing about a girl who has to save the world (or something like that. I haven't thought that far yet) heee 

I hope I am able to finish this one though. I kinda dissapointed myself too when I suddenly deleted "The Happenings". People actually liked it! But I ran out of ideas and I got lazy... yeah :(

BLOODY RASH

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE IT IS COMING FROM.

Maybe I stay up late too many nights now I DONT KNOW.

But SERIOUSLY, its getting annoying. Macamla my body sangat panas. iiiiiish

Can anyone help me with this? Should I consult a doctor ka? :O Or maybe this is just soap and my skin having reaction :( I hope its soap.

This is making me so sad.

Great. I'm itchy again. I should go sleep then to make sure I don't suddenly scratch.

Night guys <3

The people i met when i was in highschool are awesome people

lol okay so i deleted that post i posted for reasons that i cannot explain because i am like that and you should know that by now that i REALLY DO WANA GET OVER THIS KID. ugh
anyways. back to what i am suppose to be posting about

SUMMARY OF HIGHSCHOOL LIFE
this really should be a summary of how i met my friends. hahah ok it wont really be a summary BUT WHO CARES??? I certainly dont :p

Form1 I have just left primary school. Primary 6 was like the best year of my life. I found out my bestfriend was the person i argued with the most (brit) and the person i ignored the most was... well, the person i hated the most. hahahahaah Oh and I had my first taste of DRAMA too in pri6. hee. anyways. i am here to talk about f1.
To Convent I go and Ksehfrelgdjmfbckenfwusd I KNEW NO ONE. I had chosen Jet house and i was pretty early so i stood like, wayyy in front. I knew Joyce was there but I had this stupid fear of rumours back then so heheh i kept my distance. Anyways. They passed around a name list and jsiekhgkrewhdg frefwsa I SAW JANICE'S NAME. i cannot BEGIN to tell you how happy i was. <3 So we bonded alot that year, even though we were in diff classes. I met her classmates, she met mine and weeeeeeeee. BRAS FOR LIFE.
I met ash over the subject of the MAD mag. haahhahaha "you from 1D right?" "yes I am." ooh and convos start from there. Oh, and I mean 1 DINAMIK not 1 direction. Please don't misunderstand.
I met Dista when she sat next to me on the other row. then pres, fred, cindy, and borah them all. yeah, they all came with a package. *somehow*. Then when natchan switched places with dista I MET NAT CHAN!! and adeeee. and chanszewei. yeah. i meet people in groups. it is THE most awesome way to meet people.
I met Vusak when she was admiring michelle's bag and i went to look too (hahahah this is too long so i lazy to tell you) I met vadee when we did a project together, i met brenda in football club (ahh memories) i met bel and kim together, i met louiselle... somehow. hahahahah and umm yeah. the rest just sorta... clicked together. Or maybe my memory just sucks. hahahahah okay moving onnn

Form2 we had to make a script of our own and perform it. HAHAHAHAH I WAS ON VAAADEEES GROUP SO OUR STORY WAS VERY...dramatic. unfortunately i sucked at controlling myself back then so.. yeah. :( but it was funn. louiselle bought Big Apple for us to eat as our 'prop' on the day we performed (for our english teacher) and i began to grow a bond with alyssa sofea chia fred sally and arlenne. That was prooohhbably because since f1 we were the only ones in scouts. So we stuck togezerr....Sally was my permanent partner though. hee
It was pretty awesome in f2. Me ash and chan became inseparable, until chan became a prefect... yeahhhh. isokay though. Chosen ones are chosen for a reason.
oh. This was also the year me and Sally found out we were chosen to be service-cos. hihihi COS WE THAT COOL

Form3 ahh. PMR year. also a very good year. Became sesi pagi, went to 2nd class (I WAS DAMN HAPPY ABOUT THIS FACT. Cos then I dont feel too stupid cos everybody also about the same IQ as me :p) now this was the year i began to get closer to vusak, bel, kim, natchan, vadee, fred. at some point during the year, we decided that we should try studying in the library. So we went. well, except natchan So we became a study group <3 +fred. we needed lots of brains. :D
at the lib, we met seniors (and so i got close to em tooo. teehee), and people from other schools. For example ALOT of lasallians. For me la, I met joibi, klassen, patrick, bram and uhhh... yeah. i think thats about it. XD We spent a lot of time in the lib ;) ahh good times. goooood times.

Form4  well. so much for honeymoon year. Although this was a pretty awesome year, IT WAS SO NOT HONEYMOON YEAR. We had some kind of concert thingy AND SO I WANTED TO SOMEHOW BE A PART OF IT HEEHEE and join interact club so i yeah. i did stuff when i joined. I was background people, and somehow in interact i got a jawatan. yay <3 I became closer too to somemore juniors (this was due to scouts mainly cause i so bising and they bising back to me xD) and  seniors. Cause the rest of us like to visit the drama team while vadee & vus are there. So emeh, landy, nerd, buttz, saw us alot. :p
This was also the year that we officially became a group. me, kim, bel, louiselle(she ada masalah for awhile but she came clean in the end), natchan(for a while), vad, vus. (these two however were in the other class. So they visited alot. hahahahaha)
Also met more people here! kamijan, james, and um yeah my memory fails me (tua la kononnnn) and um i should probably just skip everything and move on.

Form5
ah. drama year. not among us. That happens like, alot. So theres no point in mentioning them :p but i mean drama... WITH THE SCHOOL. no i dont mean competition
we did something. apparently it was a really bad thing to do. with a few months to spm they crushed us. ngeh wth. Dont need to dwell on THAT memory. why? because i will never do something that stupid EVER AGAIN. No i shall not speak of it. period.
I will however speak of going to RAY camp. and meeting Thad. and simon. and rioan. and carl. AND BRYAN AND REDZWAN (FINALLY) and and cherish! kiranluke, bryanstacy, oh Lord so many I CANNOT MENTION THEM ALL. I would probably stay up all night if i were to do that.

Anyways. I'll miss those times. I'll miss those faces. But I gotto move on and just keep, keeping in touch. I'll ask em to gather and we hang before i leave. Must. Tis sad if i don't see em before i leave :(

So I think that is all. I need to start a new post. Need to talk about something.

;) cheers