Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Making friends is hard. I don't like it anymore

I'm not okay
I will never be okay
You know why?
Because friendship is hard and life is hard
and I feel like crying everyday now because I'm just so
ARGH FRUSTRATION
This is one of the reasons why I wanted to learn psychology
To study people and find out what makes them tick
And what ticks them off
I know she has been ticked off and is very unstable right now, but I didn't know it was to that extent
A line was crossed that I never knew existed
If Mandy is someone you talk to and she doesn't listen, Reine is like double and worse
At least Mandy she listens, and might follow. Reine is like fuck you
Especially if it is something bad about herself. Like, even if you tell her gently she'll somehow make it worse and then not talk to you for a while
My brain is more guy than I thought. I always want to talk things out. I rather you talk to me and throw all the shit in my face than letting it simmer and fade because it does not fade. It will not go away. It will get worse and here is the worse part: it will build up.

And dear GOD I know this is just a rough patch you are putting me through and I know it will blow over
But at least help me make up my mind about whether I should stay or should I go

Because right now I really want to go but my heart says stay and talk it out
 Fight or flight as they say

I don't know what to do

Monday, September 8, 2014

20 Facts

Okay so while the entire world is doing this on FB and IG, I have decided I want to do this here. Why? Smaller to nil crowd XD Also I tried to publish it on IG but it didn't work out....IG deleted my caption >:( so yeah. Here goes nothing...

20
Family means the world to me. You mess with them, you just asking to be stabbed. With a chair. Or a table. Covered in glass. Up your butt.

19
I have a select few friends whom I consider blood family. They are the people I stand by because I know they would do the same for me. These are the people I know I can fall back to if shit goes south

18
I found God and I have let him into my life. I'm still struggling, but in the long run I know it will make me a better, stronger, wiser person who does things for the right reasons

17
I have this thing with food, where I can ONLY be separated from it for 4-6 hours tops. I get really grouchy and PMS till I get grub

16
I used to want to be in sports so badly that every opportunity I get I would jump at the chance. Sadly, most of the time I was rejected because I was not fit enough..... So now I'm lazy as fuck to join anymore. Even running has lost its touch. However, if a friend brings me I would gladly oblige

15
Hugs are awesome. I can never turn down a person who offers me a hug. And I hug most of my friends and family as a form of greeting so yeah. Oh and sometimes I yell their name too... from a distance. Even if its crowded and they might not hear me.

14
People often mistake me for an extrovert. But really, I'm not. I'm so introvert it is scary sometimes. But I have grown to need human interaction, therefore I do the interaction and then lock and isolate myself for a while. A day or two usually does the trick

13
Recently I have come to realise that I give off this aura that makes people want to be proper. Like sexual profanities cannot be thrown at me. We can talk about it, throw it together at other people, but they cannot throw it at me like shade. I am so glad that this is a thing because this means reasons.

12
On a scale of one to wasted, I fall somewhere between easy to become drunk and not so easy. I know I get high easily, and I guess that is what makes the blackouts so bad. Sigh. Wish I did not black out while drunk. Can never remember shit

11
Putting facts together and understanding em is sort of my thing. I can never put it down into actual words and describe it, but I have always been able to do this. I discovered this in high school when my bros were gossiping and I wasn't paying much attention. Because I read somewhere, that sometimes when you have a question, you don't have to ask to get an answer; you will come to realise that the answer has always been within you. When you do have to ask questions, make sure it is necessary and useful. It is how we as human beings learn

10
I bleed Liverpool Red, but I still love the colour blue. I guess that says something about my personality

9
I am seriously beginning to doubt whether I will ever get married, because half the time boys are like my best friends or they are just the most irritating pieces of shit or just plain trouble

8
Regardless of what people might think, I can live without internet and my phone. So long as nothing important is happening, and I am not required to be on standby, I can survive.

7
I dream to live on a mountain. Cool air FTW

6
Another strong trait I apparently posses is determination. I discovered this when I was hiking up Mount K. :)

5
When I get obsessed over something, I get really excited. And when that happens, I tend to lost sight of the bigger picture. This is what makes me not so good a leader. My brain sort of just shuts off and pure energy surges

4
Not sure if this will apply to my love life (if that ever happens I'll let you know), but when I love something, I put my soul into it. Hence why I said what I said in the first few "facts". Dedication man

3
Football is life. If you say otherwise then my level of liking you just decreased.

2
I like having friends from different backgrounds and with different kinds of mentality. It gives me a broad look on the world.

1
TV shows influence my goals in life. Indiana Jones inspired me to become an archaeologist, but Chemistry was too hard. Then a whole bunch of cop shows inspired me to take up psychology. You know why? So I can study human behaviour. It is so fascinating, I swear. My love for the horror genre got me interested in reading up about religions, pagan and all. Mythology themed movies gave me a love for the old worlds and their belief(which led to me considering to be a historian). Then I realised in a way they are all related.

Old rituals, old civilizations, compare human behaviour then and now, what makes us tick etc

Oh and Jurassic Park fueled my love for dinosaurs.

I still love dinos so much *hint hint*