so wrong it's right...right?

Can't believe tuition free week is coming already. Its freaking  next saturday! My uncle is getting married next Saturday! I'm going to wear a dress! omg!
okay lol why did type like that

so anyways, my dear readers (whoever you are) if you have been reading my previous posts, i have been pretty depressed lately.
I must tell you now, that since my change of scenery, i have recovered.
Though i still miss them. A lot.
I really do

I mean, i do kinda regret stop talking to them altogether.
But if i'm all depressed and shit, how the hell do i talk to them without accidentally insulting? I mean, i become very unstable there. You know that. right baby? ;3

But now I don't know what to say to them :/

How to start talking to these two people whom i have stopped talking to? and everytime i do see them i feel all sad?
gah
I need to overcome this. Come one Denise! you can do this!!

This is hard.

"I have to go and leave you alone. But always know that i love you so."

To say...

To say things aren't as bad as they look might be a lie

To say i don't miss you guys is a huge lie

To say I don't miss the times and memories we had together is a lie

To say I don't miss talking to you guys is a lie

To say I don't want to talk to you is another huge lie.

But where do I start? :(

So the Church or the Religion?

I wanted to post my sad posts about Emaan and my friendship with both her and Sheryl but I thought about it.... and no. Maybe not. Seems very one sided. Fuck that shit
So now I'm going to post another thing altogether
What is it about?
drums please *drum roll*
*ba dum tsss*
THE CHURCH AND THE RELIGION
Yes. The topic came up the other day when I was having dinner with vusak and her friends in this expensive kedai kopi
We were confused with Vincent's (not real name...seriously. we call him that but that is not his real name) religion because apparently he used to be Christian but he left but then he still likes wearing cross? yeah
Then JB (NOT BIEBER. idk his full name) asked "did you leave the church or the religion?)
After that I blanked out for awhile
It was a really good question. It also reminded me of a video I was once saw. The Church vs The Religion (or soooommmmmmething like that. forgot the title)

Which is why I have developed a very special version of faith. Well, I think its only me.

No, i am not going to start a religion with this faith. Lol thats so lame. hahahha anyways
Here is my list:
1) Don't go to church unless you feel comfortable. - like seriously. I hate the church here. give me stella or sacred heart or st michael any day. A church is a church, no matter what, yes. But I just don't feel comfortable.
2) Don't believe in the new stuff the church is claiming. - I rather stick with the last decade's view thank you very much.
3) Having Faith that something Greater than you exists is a gift, not a necessity. -Though that "Greater being" should be something awesomely positive and well known, instead of creepy and unknown except to you.
4) Accept that other people have their own beliefs. -We are all going to die one days anyways.
5) Accept that maybe the supernatural does exist. - Don't disturb them, they do the same for you. But also don't doubt until the moon that they don't exist. Not everything can be explained by science you know.

So thats how MY Faith works. Thats my belief. Oh but theres more:
-All lores have some kind of truth in them. All of them. Not stories based on them, I mean THE LORE ITSELF.
-All legends are real, once upon a time
-A comfortable church is one that looks cooling. Or just plain cool. Why?

• A church you go to should make you feel at ease...make you go into a peace phase...should make you want to go more often. A church should feel like a home...where you can dress up :D I think. My POV

Please take note okay... THIS IS MY POV. MINE. POINT. OF. VIEW. After 5 years of shaping it. I might have some other stuff too but to post it means I might get in trouble.

Well I can't think anymore. I would love to go on but I can't
I know I'm not exactly in love with churches atm but I just don't feel any calling.
The church calling me is in kk
And is called Stella Maris
And yes, I miss it. It brings me peace whenever I go there
Besides, I know 90% of the faces there, 40% I know by name

How I miss home

My mind craves for healing prayers

Dear Lord, I pray for sanity

I hate it when I have to vent.

Especially if it is about a friend.

But seriously, its messed up.

One is basically over thinking things, and assuming a lot of things, plus feeling not loved and shit.

The other is pissed because that previous one is assuming things.

And here I am stuck in the middle, frustrated at the both, depressed because i feel awkward talking to on, and the other is my Sabahan buddy, so we are pretty tight.

Fuck this shiiiiiiit.

Had a talk with Chan. Unlike when I spoke with Malcam, the talk with her was very refreshing and it felt very light. Urgh. kinda regret going to him. 

Anyways

Yeah, why is there always shit?

Marah ni >:|

I miss people who just accepted things as they are

I miss people who saw all sides, and accepted the positive side as most probable.

I miss normal calm people.

Yes, I am going to say it.

I miss Convent.

Somehow, I miss Convent. 

No, not that part. But the part where everyone sort of just accepts everything and anything you do. They might question it, but they don't tell you their judgment till you over do yourself.

It might be a little late, but then, sometimes it is just a one time thing. 

A phase, one might say.

I hope this shit is just a phase.

Otherwise I'm going to graduate pretty depressingly sad.

And I hate being depressed.

I was going to say that when I reached KK my parents brought me to my grandparents' place to surprise me with a cake, 

but then...

Yeah. I thought this was more important to rant about first.

I need to say something

Yes I am very aware that you wanted to eat just now, and that you had already asked me earlier what my plans were. Sorry, but you could have said something earlier.

Ugh, I feel like I'm back stabbing you or something doing this, and you will probably say something about this later on behind my back

Yes I am also very aware that you contributed the most in that party thingy and that now I probably owe you some kind of debt. I didn't even expect the party, and it was sweet and awesome and all

But you didn't have to.

If you wanted to eat out just now, you could have said something when we met at 2.

But you didn't.

And frankly, I'm getting tired of you assuming that I will always consider you when I want to go eat. You know very well I don't think of anyone but myself when I want to eat.

You have to speak out sometimes, ya know, like say how much you don't like the shit the first time round or at least the second or third. You know... early say.

Instead of letting your pissed off-ness build and build and at last find out that everything is not going the way you like at all.

And ... PAH!

Palui bah! 

If only if ONLY

And a theory has surfaced,

One that I have considered but always brushed aside.

What if Pingu is actually the victim, and not you?

Dear Lord, help me understand :(

And I hope you don't take this the wrong way

Even with shit unfolding everywhere, sometimes I wonder why do I let myself be dragged in. 

I mean

Yeah baby, I do love you.

You are my first friend here on Curtin that I actually became close to.

But yeah, shit happens.

And people and things and circumstances change...

But man... have some sense to realise.

Maybe it is just you bringing drama with you and letting it all happen and shit.

Maybe it is just you.

Maybe.

I'm getting sick of it.

Both of us are.

I would love to go and say something about this matter to you, 

but you are the "psychology" student, you won't listen.

We know you won't.

How?

Well...

I think we know more about psychology than you do. 

I don't care if you studied it.

If you can't apply it, then you didn't learn shit. 

I'm sorry.

I really do love you and all.

But you need to gather your shit and straighten them out before telling us stuff and stuff that idrgaf about.

Ash, I miss you.

Bel, I miss you.

Kim, I miss you.

Vadee, I miss you. 

Leng, I miss you.

And Britt... I miss you too.

Can I just officially announce that I am officially slightly depressed?

Vusak, I miss being in kk with everyone :(

I was in Curtin Sarawak when I had to celebrate my 2012 birthday. Click said link to read about it. :)