SQUAT TEAM

Hi. Its been awhile since I have spoken of my social life no? Come we cerita

So BYLC happened earlier this semester. Was rather interesting... The participants weren't exactly the most awesome people but hey we're all shy first time round. Besides, most of them were pretty chill so we cool.

Anyway, I'm not here to tell in detail about what happened during BYLC. That stuff is meh.

I am however mentioning it because it has led me to a new circle of people I never thought I would be hanging out, much less trust my insecurities, with.

There is Mandy (again, idk how we end up together, we just do. Freaking tumours lol), Mojo (my neighbour; YES I MOVED OUT FROM LAKESIDE WOO), Vinodh, Nadeen, Sun (we were always chill to begin with but now its like a whole new level), Sterwina, and June. (SIDENOTE: I'd count in Vignesh but he's not in Miri so yeah)

Affectionately known by all as Egg Group, Squat Team, and Super 8, we were somehow brought together on the 4th day of the conference, after the final dinner when we went clubbing. I swear, I haven't been clubbing for so long that I forgot how the lights hurt. I did go a little overboard on the drinking though. Mojo handled the first shots and omg its like x3 a normal shot. I died on the 4th drink but apparently I kept drinking XD Half my memory is gone but yeahhhhhhh I can put 1 and 2 together.

So yeah. New circle. Half of em are leaving after this semester so idk how we gon survive. 

Now, heres the story.

A week ago we decided we wanted to head back to Borneo Rainforest Resort to chill out and have a drinking session there. A few things were admitted and someone dropped a bomb. Now, they all think I have this empathy thing going on which is why I got so emotional. What they don't know is, the person who dropped the bomb has shit so deep and dark that even she doesn't know I know. Even then I know only some, I know there's more but yeah need to know basis only.

Bomb dropped and all the guys went for a smoke. I followed to get some air. God knows what happened next, one tried comforting me and BAM waterworks. Take note, I have not cried for sad thing in a long time. I cry when I'm pissed. And pissed I was. I swear, if they didn't start talking to me I would have held on. Then after all the anger died down and I sobered up (which took about 20 minutes?), I had a deep set sadness the rest of the night, till in passed out and woke up the next day in fact. 

2 days later I get my period. lol so I guess that was another reason why I was emotional

Either way, this group has seen me break down. Not many people have seen that. Not many people have seen my angry crying mode, and even less has seen me cry because I'm sad/depressed. Heck, this group even made me confess to having liked someone in Curtin, si YoungBlood. Yeah, what a bitch, he came to Curtin. URGH

So yeah. They have earned my eternal respect and love. I guess sometimes, bonds just happen. In ways and with people least expected of.

Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck that. Fuck everything
I know its a good thing to hear the negative side of the things you are doing so that you can improve and try things a different way, but man, I think they are getting to me.
I have suddenly lost all hope in making MEA a success. And I am so pissed with myself.
I swear, today I heard twice that people don't trust M.A. because of past experiences with the committee that they don't do a good job, and that they are unreliable etc.etc.
Fuck. This. Shit
I have an insatiable urge to shake each and every one of them and just yell in their faces till they get it through their thick skull: NEW YEAR NEW COMMITTEE OK GIVE US A CHANCE MAN COME ON
But I can't. Why? Because I don't believe that M.A. can change either
We are all lazy by nature. Every once in a while there will be those hardworking people who are like WOW and suddenly we lazy chums are side by side with them and working together for a better future
We have in the top 2 positions 2 very awesome people. But not really change worthy.
See thats the thing about Curtin Mass Comm students. We are a mostly quiet bunch of people, oriented and pretty much content with being behind the scenes. I duno la but I am.
I personally LOVE being behind the scenes. Being (and I quote) the "muscle" of the whole thing (just like BYLC woo! Honestly, I think I have found my calling. I just need a really organized PA and I am good to take on the world!).

Right now, I have accidentally placed myself in a position that I cannot take back. Should have never attended that AGM T.T Anyway
The rest of them have placed me in charge of organizing the MEA exhibition. I swear, I thought Organizing was my thing, they too. But apparently I don't have the brains for it. I simply cannot organize my brain into this. Me and paperwork do not work unless I have something or someone to guide me through it.

Also, I have this gut fear that no one will help me and then boom fail event and boom all my other success organized events will be gone down the drain.
I cannot. I really cannot.
I don't know what to do. And I have this thing where I don't like asking too much of people. Would it be too much if I asked the people who I'm with in 2 other events to help me out? Would it be too much to ask if I get like a lot of people to help and then I have no job and then suddenly I realize there is something I haven't done?

Fuck

I need a drink

Cannot wait till this weekend

GUT INSTINCTS

Never leave home without em, and always LISTEN TO EM

Even if it means putting others in a bad mood.

Psychic Moments

Ever had a feeling something was going to happen before it actually happens?
Or thought about someone before hearing about them or seeing them?
Not sure how true this is, but I have a theory. A PSYCHIC theory.
Call it sixth sense, coincidence even. I do believe my theory is right though.
I believe, the more spiritual you are, the more in tune to your surroundings you will be, the easier it is for you to be in tune to the people you are fond the most of.
Cheezy as fuck, I know. "We keep track of each other via brainwaves." But I'm serious though. And by spiritual I mean SPIRITUAL. NOT RELIGIOUS. Being spiritual means you can accept a lot of things others will not. Like accepting that certain things cannot be changed, certain events are just plain out of your control...

For instance, me and my friend recently spontaneously planned a trip across the state, about 12 hours drive, during our 2 week study break. Due to some issues however, we had to cancel because no one was free. That should have been clue one for me.
After our exams, I proposed the idea again, no good, most of our friends were either broke or gone home already; clue two. So it was just me and my other friend who was up for it. She was like, YOLO la just go. I agrred.
Night before the trip, I had a huge surge in my gut. It told me mentally that if we went on this trip, something bad was gona happen (and woe is me, it is playing the guilt trip game now). I told my friends but they instead decided to comfort me by saying that they'll check up the car; engine etc, before we leave.
We forgot to check one aspect though. 
Tyres.
Nope, not a pressure problem. The patterns were wearing thin, though I dont know why I didnt say anything when I saw it. We just went on without a second thought. Going between 60-80m/h, it was quite a leisurely drive. Left at about 10pm, we were about 4 hours from our destination when it happened.
When my gut kicked in again and everything became a blur.

Before I go into details, let me tell you how I was handling my gut instinct.

When it kicked in the first time, I couldn't tell what was it pointing at. I listed down all possibilities: haven't told my parents, no one else is following us, safety issues, car issues, broke and going on a trip, etc.
My gut jerked at the mention of car issues. So I elaborated. 
Car could break down, explode, we could crash into something, something could crash into us, tyre goes flat, car goes missing while we took a rest
Yeah I know, not the best things to think about before going on a two person journey.
No one stopped us however. No one said: no need la two of you only. next sem la
Instead they gave encouragement. And my brain was too excited to care about my gut when the time approached

So when we heard that bang go off from one of the front tyre, all I was thinking was FUCK
Then the car didnt just slide into a ditch, it turned over. 
We were going at 60. HOW THE FUCK DOES A CAR FLIP INTO A DITCH AT 60
Then all the passerby’s kept telling us that road is accident prone. We probably slipped on the wet grass and mud and just continued going on.

My first thought was we should get out of the car, duh. my friend however fell into shock. I don't know how, but I was calm until I got out and started pacing the side of the road. then my guilty gut kicked in and i started wondering how were we going to tell our parents and the owner of the car
Yeap... twas a rental.
Then I broke down. It was so bad. 
Still not over it. It has been over 24 hours.
We should be in Kuching. Not worrying about how we're gona pay the fucker back all the saman and all.

All I could think of and still of is how we shouldn't have left

MALEFICENT

maleficent
1670s, from L. maleficent-, from stem of maleficu

maleficent  (məˈlɛfɪsənt)

— adj

causing or capable of producing evil or mischief; harmful or baleful

[C17: from Latin maleficent-,  from maleficus  wicked, prone to evil, from malum  evil]

ma'lefic

— adj

ma'leficence

— n

Yup. Guess what I just saw

I FUCKING FANGIRLED WHEN HER SIGNATURE SILHOUETTE APPEARED MAN WTF

FAVOURITE DISNEY VILLAIN FTW

But seriously though

The movie was good. The effects were a bit like OUAT but the storyline was completely by itself. Good twist. Good actress. IF ANGELINA JOLIE DOESNT GET AN AWARD FROM THIS I WILL FLIP

Okay now it time for spoilers

We all know the original sleeping beauty story right? She gets raped. hahahaha ok ok the FIRST version disney made, lets not go all the way to brother grimm...

Disney made Aurora like how it was told. King Stefan and his wife invited all in the kingdom including all the famous faeries, except the 13th one. Why? In the original story it was because she tends to hide, people thought she was dead. In this cartoon, it was fear I think? I forget. Then during the baby shower just before the 12th faerie could grant her gift, Maleficent appears and expresses her dislike and curses everyone to death. FUCKING LOVED THAT SCENE (yes even as a child)

Why am I so morbid?
kay anyway

Then, the 12th faerie modifies the curse a bit, and then they become the official guardians until her 16th birthday. Prince Philip was a neighbouring kingdom's prince and they have been officially betrothed to each other ever since birth. And he was the one who destroyed Maleficent with a sword that the 3 faeries enchanted. boom, happy ending.

so.. enough of the cartoon. LETS GO TO MALEFICENT 2014

Maleficent, played by Angie Jolie, was the most powerful faerie of them all. She had these huge badass FEATHERED wings. I swear, her parents were probably one faerie and one something else idk what but it had horns and a skeletal figure. Either way, they dumped her in this area called the moors and left her to grow up with the other faeries and nature. One day this commoner, Stefan (BOOM, MINDFUCK), trespassed and taking some precious rock and was cornered by the tree guards. She lured him out and forgave him after he gave back the rock. Over time, he kept returning, and they became close as fuck. Then, they made out #trueloveskiss pfft okay anyway

One day he stopped returning, and she continued being alone. But she defended the moors like badass tombraider (oops wrong movie). The nearby king was being a bitch hence why she took up that job. Awesome man the flying and whooosh and gahh okay i need to type coherently

He was a chambers boy to the king and one day he overheard the king saying that whoever slains the winged creature will get to marry hi daughter and get the throne. Now this Stefan had always wanted to be king (duh who doesnt) so he finally after all these years headed back to the moors and spoke to maleficent. He told her of the kings announcement and then they had this catch up session and she realised her feelings never waivered (aww). Then he drugged her and took her wings. MODDERFUCKER I WAS SO PISSED. She woke up in agonizing pain the next day, mourned her loss of her babies and then fashioned a walking stick out of a twig (magic beeches). Then she found this crow almost being clobbered to death so she saved him and in return the crow agreed to be her companion slave. and i quote "I need wings"

So he spies on the kingdom and keeps tab on whats happening everywhere. He brought back news one day of a baby and wooooo she was angry and pissed off wooo so she crashed and cursed then left. The 3 faeries are dumb as fuck though. Cant modify for shit. oh oh get this. THE RED FAERIE IS UMBRIDGE XD

Anyway, so Maleficent spies on the faeries, sees that they don't know how to take care of Aurora, and tends to step in, unwittingly playing the role of faerie god-mother to the child, AND THE KID KNEW. I tell you, so cute yet creepy the kid. And she calls her beasty hahahhaha

okay anyway

i think enough la otherwise i tell the whole story

Lets just say somewhere along the line Prince Phillip comes along, the kiss didnt work. However, with Maleficent worked! true love doesnt need to come from a boy chhhh

Shows that parents / parent figures work too ;) 

Okay, final line. WATCH THE MOVIE. I love her back story man like wow i want those wings. I always wanted to fly.

I don't really care if you couldn't care less about us, but at least care about yourself.

Giving up on yeww

Sorry la. But trying to be there for you is so fucking hard man. He's right. You are an attention seeking whore that doesn't like attention seeking whores who also does not like confrontation.
No one like confrontation, but you don't have to be a little bitch about it.
Also, you know we care. We care a lot about you. Dude. Your new friends are asking us to tell you to stop. Doesn't that say something about us?
Not that we want to control you or anything but come on la. Grow up. Its about time you take control of your life a bit and find a less self destructive way to express your innards.
You are going to find it hard to adjust after graduation, I guarantee it.
And when you need help financially, I won't be there. Not sure about the other person though.
I swear, this time I mean it.

Realise you are destroying yourself. Now. Please. :(

Highlight of April 2014

Lets start with a timeline shall we?
5th April - WFA 2014
The BEST walk I have EVER attended. I didn't even walk the route! I was however on organizing committee, even though I barely did anything. But I hope somehow some of my suggestions were looked into and I think my help was good? I don't know. But the turn out was awesome
Our initial plan was to get 1k registered walkers to walk around Tjg Aru town wearing the official blue shirt and holding banners and everything and basically just raise awareness that we are here trying to raise awareness.
What happened was, we starting running out of shirts. Then, other merchandise. Then on the day itself, FORMS. There was over 2k people chilling around Perdana Park that day AND IT FELT SO GLORIOUS
From what I hear, people loved the event. A few hiccups here and there, but that is okay because we actually noticed em so we can improve and change and grow.
I feel so lucky to have been part of this. Tawau heard about this event and actually did one simultaneously at the same time and date with OUR merchandise as well. Loving all this attention towards the cause man  :D
Anyway, saw a lot of people, heard a lot of people who I didn't see went as well. Heard a lot of good performances, met new people, met a few relatives I've never known to be my relative, and saw quite a few people I haven't seen in ages

All in all, 'twas a good day :)

Somewhere mid April - Met a junior called Cheryl
 Yeah, this is a special kid right here.
Have you ever met someone who is happy and innocent as fuck
But has a slightly dysfunctional family and has seen some pretty nasty shit take place in her school? Yeah neither have I
But here she is
I kid you not. Either she sees it all and isolates herself mentally and emotionally so she isn't affected; or she is so badly affected by it that she covers it up by being happy and cheerful all the time
This girl is going to crack. And soon, by the looks of it. Especially with Tahmid dragging her into every event in her first semester. Yup, that is how I met her.
I mean, bring her as observer is fine for first semester, but trus volunteer? Wow. During the MUN dinner I think her cracks were beginning to show because she kept saying "why do all of you know each other already? I feel so isolated" something like that la
Culture shock I think you is entering.
You is not going to like where this is heading
Good luck Cheryl
I pray for your end of semester state of mind, you are most probably going to need it

Is it too early to say clubbing has lost its appeal?

Lately, the excitement of going to a club and getting lost in the bright blinding lights in a dark room with loud pounding music while somehow have a drink or two has dwindled down to lower than a simmer.
Loud music and dancing is fine, but I can do that anywhere. And today I have finally come to terms with it: Clubbing has lost its appeal.
IDK is it too early for me to feel this way? Look at it this way. I'm not using my money on alcohol as often as I did last year. As if I drink that much/often anyway
Maybe that is the reason clubbing lost its appeal... Because I'm always broke as fuck XD And I tend to have long periods of memory lost if I drink too much O.o Never a good thing
Remember prom nikki? *shudders* that was so bad (thank God for Reine!)
Anyway, I prefer just chilling and socially drink while we talk and with singable music and a shisha nearby. The rest can have their cigs, and we'll just sit there and talk. Or in silence, whateves.

I feel old talking about this :(

And to think I promised my kk friends when we meet up we gon go clubbing XD

Okay its not that I don't enjoy clubbing, its fun as long as I get to go in free and we all chip in for a tower (liquor too damn expensive in there). But yeah, most of the time I am sooo broke and underdressed :p I blame Miri for that, since usually we wear anything and everything to go

So yeah. Just needed to type that out.

I'm the type of person that can't live without having a social life (even if it means just chilling somewhere like hobos) but at the same time I can't live if I interact with people too much.
Like, too much social, must leave, need breather.
And I'm pretty sure its a normal thing.
IDK how will I manage if I move into the same house as my friends or (still praying to meet) my boyfriend. Will I go crazy or will I somehow adapt?
Although I take a little time, I find I can adapt and adapt to that adaptation real quick. Living away from home? Yeah you get used to it. Hungry most of the time? Get used to it, you don't have money. Friends don't look for you all the time? A bit harder to accept but relatively easy to get used to (after a few nights of listening to emo depressing songs and trying to convince oneself that they do not hate you)
More than once however, I find myself wondering why do people like me need these "alone time". Recharge? Recharge what? Energy? Chi'? What? My brain can't comprehend. I just know that it is a necessity and if not done at least 3 times a month, can make people like me get a bit short tempered and jumpy.
Moreover, during these periods I wonder what my friends talk about me, if they talk about me at all. But then again, don't we all wonder that? Most of the time I could hardly care less; curious yes, care however, no.

These feels make me feel so much that my brain can't brain the feels anymore and everything is just one big fan fiction
(So does that mean you have fiction in fiction? Incep-fiction?)
aiyah le ramblings