I've lost the power to de-stress myself

Never under estimate the effect of talking to yourself.
It can make you feel worse than before, or slightly better.
Also, never under estimate the power of walking around to destress. or running. they do wonders for you, and your stress level goes down
But then again, never over estimate it either.
I did today.
And I have never been so wrong.

Let me tell you about my day...
Belinda isn't back till tomorrow so I decided hey, I promised myself this year that whenever I can I shall go to mass. Even if it means attending St.Jo's. I followed the CSS bus. Haven't done so since last year. Apparently they have a name list now XD ok anyway
I felt so offside in mass. Like wtf.
The feeling of doom and gloom wouldn't leave me at all. They even had the song "As the deer longs for the water" (I think thats the title omg i forgot dy) which is one of my favourite songs, I still felt so down and like everything was so wrong
I kept praying out of context with the mass which is highly unlike me
My head has never been bowed for so long without me accidentally falling asleep. A new accomplishment if I might so boldly say ;) but then again. That feeling.
So I prayed asking God to help me understand why I felt like that.
I asked God to heal me, I asked God to protect everyone I loved especially Seanna. And also to help Nixxon feel again (long, not my story to tell, story)
When I reached lakeside, I had a discussion with  myself and God and I. I decided I wanted to tell CSS at the next sharing session about how I felt like I'm in some kind of depression and I think it has been around me since last sem
But halfway through, I realised I was taking too long and my words were all jumbled.
I couldn't speak a sentence right
It was  then that I realised, I didn't have faith in God at all last sem. I cried out for help in coping with my sadness but it was all in vain as I took him for granted instead of relying on Him constantly
My brain sort of imploded and I felt like crying
Didn't cry
So i decided i want to go for a walk. run a bit. sweat a bit
didn't work either
I feel just as sad, perhaps worse
I don't know man. Something is wrong with me.
I can feel it
But I don't know what is it
I can't pin point it
But I need to talk about it to someone
But who? Where do I start? How do i start? Or shall I just make an appointment with the campus pssych? She might be of some help
No wait
No. I will not do that to myself
Not yet
Why is it so hard for me to talk about my feelings?? Dammit

God help me I don't know what to do anymore